Andromeda Journal, Vetra Nyx
by SufferingIsAChoice
Summary: The Journal of Vetra Nyx, in the Heleus Cluster, Andromeda Galaxy. I swear to all the spirits, Sid, if you read this I will space you. Note to self: Are humans sexy? To do: Research Sara Ryder.
1. Andromeda, Day 1-193

Andromeda, Day 1

-Well, shit.

-Okay, more detailed entry, something has gone wrong. The first up would've been days ago, but there's a problem. I don't know what, the techs won't tell me, and I'm stuck in a medbay for observations after the long nap. Where's Sid? What's going on?

-Still not telling me.

-Where's Kesh?

-Okay, fine, I'll use some of the down time. This is the Journal of Vetra Nyx. Ta fucking da. I always hated how confusing time was in the Milky. A human just told me it was 28 something. I'm leaving that behind me, the same as I want to leave behind humans' almost right but just a little too short days. It's Andromeda, Day One, and a hell of a day its been.

-To do: figure out what the fuck is going on.

Andromeda, Day 3

-Shit, we hit it.

-Okay, there's a...thing, out there. Strings? Something solid? I don't know I'm not a scientist. All I know is when the first people came out of cryosleep they found it out there, and its messing up our readings, our probes, and everything big time.

-One of the three pieces of the Nexus that got here hit a big piece of the stuff, some people died, some in stasis. Sids on the other piece, ward, whatever though, should still be in cryo.

-There's more too. I think Jien Garson is dead. Leadership seems...absent, or confused. No one knows what's going on, and there are rumors that whatever this is is doing something to the planets we hoped to colonize. Well, the Arks aren't due for over a year, so we'd better figure this out before then.

-What a shit show.

-To do: still figure out what the fuck is going on. Find Sid.

Andromeda, Day 8

-Finally, someone who knows what they're doing. Kesh is awake, and giving orders to at least some people. She's not in command of anything, at least not officially, but she's the one who got me here, so I'll listen to her.

-We're clear of the stuff out there, and rumor is we're going to be going ahead and attaching the wards and the torus all together. Should be easy, or at least, would have if the one didn't take massive damage and apparently kill all our leadership.

-I've agreed to help, provided Kesh tells me where Sid is. I'd do it anyway, since it should keep this thing in one piece, but I need to start getting a foothold here. Can't do something without getting something else in return.

-To do: fix the station, find Sid, figure out what the fuck is going on.

Andromeda, Day 20

-Scourge. Good name. Hellish thing. Don't know who came up with the name.

-To do: still fix the station, find Sid, figure out what the fuck is going on.

Andromeda, Day 33

-The nexus is finally in one piece. Surprised as much of the autodocking equipment was in as good a shape as it was after the collision.

-Kesh was good on her word, found Sid, crazy kid. All her vitals are golden, they say, no worries. Can't wake her up yet, though, considering the situation. Only waking up people we need for the present situation, per that prick Addison. Well she's my sister, and she's not awake, so I worry. I need her.

-Sid, if you ever wake up and read this, first, screw you, second, stop reading my stuff, third, I love you.

-Note to self: waking people up is going to become a commodity here very fast.

-To do: wake up Sid, get some leverage on who wakes up, still figure out what the fuck is going on.

Andromeda, Day 41

-They're pushing ahead with the planetside plans. I've seen the scans from down there, it doesn't look good. None of the Golden worlds we were promised.

-Should I say Spirits help them? That be the Turian thing, right? Spent enough time with Asari (Sid, if you ever see this, don't ask) to swear by the goddess, maybe? Eh, good luck, they need it. I'm not leaving this station until my sisters up.

-To do: wake up Sid.

Andromeda, Day 44

-They're away, everyone is watching the daily updates but I'm trying to keep busy.

-Alright, alright, keeping busy has mostly been hanging out in the cryo bay next to Sid's pod. The techs assure me she's alright, and they tell me not to worry. But she's my sister. She's my only family. She's always been, but even if mom and dad weren't such massive disasters they died hundreds of years ago in a different galaxy. When Kesh asked for my price to join the initiative I said I needed to bring my family. And that's Sid. Just Sid. I don't think I really care about anything or anyone else. So of course I worry.

-To do: worry, wake up Sid, all those people who died in the Scourge collision probably had personal belongings, investigate?

Andromeda, Day 47

-Holy shit, finally some good luck.

-The techs were bothering me so much, that I decided to get out of their hair. I'm still technically part of Kesh's construction crew, and I used that to access the damaged parts of the one ward, tracking down personal belongings of the deceased. A little grim, but Sid if you ever judge me for this, just know they weren't putting it to use. And there is so much stuff in here. Alcohol, spices, bits and pieces of the Milky Way, each, potentially, the only ones in Heleus.

-Found a bag labelled just, cow, terran. Looked it up and apparently it's a delicacy on Earth? I'll hang onto it.

-I can hang onto all this, change the labels, no one finds it, a couple hundred bargaining chips are mine.

-Holy shit again. There are ships here in storage the likes of which I've never seen.

-Damaged, crud.

-Well, one isn't. Tempest.

-To do: use leverage and bargaining chips to wake up Sid. Find leverage on Kesh? One of the others? Find out what this fancy, fancy ship is for.

Andromeda, Day 49

-First contact, and a bad one. I wasn't alive when Relay 314 went down, but it can't have felt like this right? Those poor people on Eos.

-Wait, showing up out of nowhere, guns blazing, were we like that to the humans?

-Oh, no, I've heard the transmissions, we can't have been that bad.

-Kett is what we're calling them.

-Kett bastards.

-Fuck.

-To do: figure out what the fuck is going on.

Andromeda, Day 60

-Can't think about the Kett, or the Scourge, gotta stay focused. You brought your kid sister to a new Galaxy you can't fail her. Can't give up, gotta keep going.

-Tempest is for the Pathfinders. Thought they were just propaganda. We'll be lucky if we survive until they get here, and apparently they're gonna have to draw straws for who gets the one working fancy ship. Too tight security to deal with that. Would like to see it fly someday.

-Nicely secured belongings, working on lines of inquiry, trading.

-You got this Vetra, do what you do, work the system, play the game, keep you and your sister alive, don't screw this up.

-To do: don't screw this up. Wake up Sid. Play the game, work the system, stay alive. Brush up on firearm proficiency in case the Kett come knocking.

Andromeda, Day 71

-Tann is a bust, obstructive bureaucrat way out of his league though he may be, he is remarkable short of vices, and I haven't found any dirt on him. Addison doesn't seem to have any great leverage either. And Kandros is Hierarchy all the way, even several million lightyears from Palaven, no working with him. So Kesh it is.

-What does Kesh want? I know her whole clan is still in stasis, almost. Well over a thousand krogan, and as far as I know she's the only one awake. I gotta work with that, and wake Sid up.

-Plus Kesh knows me, she recruited me. She knows the price of a one way trip, and that price was, I bring my sister, my family, with me.

-Spirits, Vetra, what are you even? You do all this work to finally leave all the criminals, smugglers, and double-dealing behind, to make a better life for Sid. You sell her on settling down on some blissful golden world, farming, never being hungry, or afraid again, and this is what you bring her to? No golden worlds, Scourge everywhere, Kett tearing up everything. And you, you go right back to blackmailing people.

-To do: be a better sister? Wake up Sid, keep her safe, stay alive.

Andromeda, Day 80

-Those idiots.

-Those fucking idiots.

-They're sending people back to Eos. They say this time we know what we're getting into, will be better prepared. We don't, and we aren't and those hopeful people will die.

-I think some people know this. There's discontent brewing. Something big, gotta keep my ears to the ground.

-To do: stay alive. Run checks on all armor and weapons.

Andromeda, Day 96

-Yep, they died.

-If I ever find the Kett bastard who did this he won't know what hit him.

-Some people are planning something.

-Sid, if you ever read this, I'm sorry. It's a tragedy and I'm using it to my advantage, but I need to keep you safe, and I have an idea on how to do that.

-To do: Approach Kesh.

Andromeda, Day 100

-alright, it's going down.

Andromeda, Day 103

-They're waking up the Krogan clan to deal with this, but my deal with Kesh should hold.

Andromeda, Day 105

-It's over.

-They came to some sort of agreement informally, I think. Sloane Kelly, and all her people, got exiled, off the Nexus, into unknown territory full of Kett, Scourge and who knows what else. I don't envy them. But I do admire them, a bit, we came all this way out here just to face disaster after disaster. It's easy to think the initiative lied to us. I don't think it did but I understand them.

-I never was going to join them. But Kesh didn't know that. A little backroom dealing and then, boom, the price for my loyalty is waking up my sister.

-I am officially going to be one hundred and six Palavenian days older than you, kiddo. Well, I was already older than you, but now I'm even older.

-See you tomorrow sis.

-To do: wake up Sid!

Andromeda, Day 106

-Finally a good day.

Andromeda, Day 111

-Sid's just as pigheaded as ever.

-We've moved into an empty apartment, I've tried to make her as comfortable as possible, but she wants to do more, go out their and fight the Kett or something. I keep telling her no, try to tell her how bad those first days were, but she won't listen. So I told her that leadership wants us to stay put until the arks show up in about a hundred days or so, and we'll figure things out then, but she won't listen.

-To do: somehow get to my boneheaded sister.

Andromeda, Day 119

-Are you serious? Again? Is the history of the Milky Way going to repeat and we're going to kick out the Krogan again? Idiots.

-To do: talk to that cool old krogan, Drack, before he goes, set up trading contracts?

Andromeda, Day 133

-Happy birthday me. Turning nineteen years old.

-Why is my age even measured in Palaven years? I'm like, what, 23? 22? In terran years? Something in Asari ones? None of that fucking matters.

-How much dextro alcohol do I have stashed? Enough to get me wasted several times over.

-You know, no, screw you Heleus, I'm doing the thing, right? I kept my sister alive, got away from my old life. Gonna make something of myself one of these days. I got the goods, I got the contacts, I'm talking to Drack, I even have some favors to call in with the Exiles if we see them again. My sister is alive.

-For now.

-Fuck you Helus.

-God that human they defrosted not to long ago is hot.

-What's her name? The scientist?

-I'm drunl.

-Drunp

-Drunk

-She's got such a hot voice.

-I'm gonna sleep.

-Happy Birthday Vetra fucking Nyx and up yours Heleus.

Andromeda, Day 134

-Ouch, hangover.

-Awwww, sis.

-Sid, I...I thought you forgot.

-Thank you, didn't realized you remembered that. I mean you were only like six at the time.

-Just...thank you.

-To do: realize it isn't all bad.

Andromeda, Day 136

-Wait.

-Oh shit.

-I just read back over my entries from my birthday.

-I was really drunk.

-Do I have a human fetish?

-I mean, like, there was my crazy ex Asari girlfriend (Sid, if you are reading this I'll kill you.) Always wanted to bond with me, or embrace eternity, or whatever. And I was like, no, I want to have sex with you, not meld are minds together in your weird poetry thingy. I just like your azure.

-Note to self, don't date anyone whose name starts with an M, or ends with a TH. Also, holy crud she's probably a matriarch by now, if she didn't try to start a cult and get killed by some Asari space cop.

-Heh, Asari space cop.

-Okay, seriously Vetra, you gotta think. Everyone makes an exception for Asari. It's not really xenophilia, they say, and that's whatever. But other than that everyone you've ever slept with has been a nice turian. Well, she wasn't nice. And he could've talked the ears off an elcor. But turian, at least, why were you ranting about a human?

-To do: research. Find some copies of fornax? Stay busy.

Andromeda, Day 149

-We all got our hopes up, for nothing, sensors must've been messed up by the Scourge, and no ark had arrived. Maybe next time.

-Syd's poking into where I get the things I trade, gonna have to be more careful.

-Word is the Krogan are doing well, at least. I called Drack, the other day.

-To do: more research into you know what.

Andromeda, Day 166

-Drack sent a message, apparently he left the Krogan colony, set out to kill kett on his own. Can't say I really blame him. He's ancient, and is gonna do what he wants.

-A fifth false alarm, at this rate people are going to stop even responding.

Andromeda, Day 193

-Sold a piece of real geth circuitry to get ahold of some of the last automatic downloads from the extranet back in the Milky Way before we left range. Had some helpful biological ideas for turian-human relations. Apparently it does happen, but everyone seems kinda embarrassed by it. I think it's probably a Hierarchy thing, which means I am free to flirt with that Suvi. Never did much care for the Hierarchy, after all.

-Whoever ArchangelGV was on those message boards, I hope you got some sweet, sweet human love though, hundreds of years ago, 'cause holy shit were you into her.

-To do: look for better security for this thing, I do NOT want Sid finding this.


	2. Andromeda, Day 208-361

Andromeda, Day 208

-Blew it, how was I supposed to know that apparently adamantly disagreeing with someone's religious views, and strongly insisting that any god would be a monster isn't how humans communicate? It was straight, to the point, and, you know what, whatever, I never need to see Suvi Anwar again.

Andromeda, Day 210

-Actually, I don't need to see anyone again.

-To do: throw self into work, eventually find a farm for me and Sid.

Andromeda, Day 249

-I swear, I will kill that Ark alert program. Everyone's stopped responding, and it's just annoying. No ark is here, dumb computer.

-To do: research programing, kill program.

-Andromeda, Day 277

-Sid, I don't know if you'll ever read this. I hope not because that'd mean I'm dead or you'll be, when I find you. But I need you to know, I can't tell you how we have a space to our own, how we're getting rations, how you were woken up, or any of it, when you're just a kid. I need to keep you safe, and that means I have to lie sometimes. My work isn't pretty, but I need to do it. I won't let you die. And I'm sorry.

-Also, Sid, happy birthday, I got you that novel written by that one author you like. On paper. Hope that Tethris guy can make a story as good as you say.

-To do: kill little sister.

Andromeda, Day 300

-Fuck Heleus.

-I keep playing the same games, securing rations for me and Sid, securing power, little comforts for her, and for what? No arks are coming. We only have so much food and power, even with these harsh rations. We're going to die out here. She's going to die. I have to make peace with that. But I can't tell her. Have to keep playing the game to the end. Keep her safe. That's what a good sister would do.

-To do: somehow make peace with that.

Andromeda, Day 350

-I don't think I can make peace with death. I guess this is what giving up feels like.

-I hope someday some sapient species finds us.

-I hope they know we existed.

-I'm sorry, Sid, I thought we could run away from my problems, the people who wanted us dead. I thought we could make a fresh start. Finally have that farm you always wanted. Instead we're just going to end up dead.

To do: nothing.

Andromeda Day 357

-Holy shit, an Ark, the humans made it. They actually made it.

-Are we not going to die?

-To do: get info on the human Ark.

Andromeda, Day 358

-Alright, what I know so far: the human pathfinder, Alec Rider, was killed on Habitat-7, which, surprise, was uninhabitable. His daughter, Sara Rider, has been named Pathfinder. Kesh told me, after I called in a few favors, that Addison, Tann and Kandros are going to give her the Tempest. They're trusting her to go to Eos, and maybe elsewhere, hoping she can find something to keep us alive. It's desperate, but so are we, the human ark may be keeping the lights on but its temporary. We will still starve out here if nothing changes.

-Alright, so, here's my thoughts. I want to be on that Tempest. But I also want to keep Sid safe and stay here. I'm divided and I have to make up my mind fast.

-Pros of going: make a difference, change the math, make contact with the Exiles, the Krogan, whatever else is out there, turn my skills to good use, ensure the survival of all Milky Way species, but, more importantly, Sid. Finally get off this thing. Over fourteen kilometers long and still in the past year its felt so claustrophobic.

-Cons of going: I'll miss Sid, what if she's not safe?

-Pros of staying: keep Sid safe, don't miss her.

-Cons of staying: claustrophobia, can't change the math, and what if we all starve here? If the Kett attack I can't keep Sid safe, and if we starve ditto.

-To do: figure out a way onto the Tempest, explain to Sid why I have to go, get off the Nexus.

Andromeda, Day 359

-Alright, Sid, that was almost insultingly easy to get you to go along with this plan. I mention a Pathfinder, and suddenly you go, oh yeah, leave me behind, big sister, or better yet, let me come with you, and I say no, and suddenly I'm the bad guy again.

-Right, so I'm onboard the Tempest, and I want to record this deal that went down, because it was a good piece of work. So, I do some digging, find around when the Pathfinder is going to be trying to take off. I trade away that piece of human cow to get myself onto the dock when it's going to go down. She shows up, little thing, reddish-yellowish hair, a little bit of a smart-ass, a little bit sarcastic, and I'm thinking, oh, yeah, I've met humans like this. I can be sarcastic too. So I put on my swagger, tell her, yeah, you aren't leaving this dock without me, and then out of nowhere this guy I barely know shows up and tries to shut us down, and then it actually becomes true, she can't leave without me. But it worked, I am onboard, away from the Nexus, and on my way to Eos.

-Wow, looking at it from the outside makes it seem so small next to that gas giant. Sid's there. This is the first time I've been away from her in hundreds of years, actually.

-I miss you, kid, be safe.

-Everyone's kinda busy, getting ready for Eos, and whatever we'll find there, so taking one last moment to write in here. Pathfinder seems nice enough. Again, a little sarcastic, but not in a bad way. Maybe a little emotional. I can work with that. The other humans are okay. Or at least Harper is, and Gil. Gil says he's heard of me, and wants to know if I play something called poker. Kosta keeps shooting me strange glances, but I can be charming, win him around. Kallo's professional, Salarian, but not in a bad way. Lexi is bugging me about my last physical.

-Oh shit, Suvi Anwar is onboard. She hasn't said anything to me, and I'm definitely not saying anything to her. She can stay up near Kallo, and I'll stay back here by the engines. Maybe I made a mistake.

-Her voice isn't that special. It's as monotone to me as all other human voices. Well, relatively less tonal. Less emotional information in that voice. Why was it so into it?

-To do: fake physical records, research poker, run last checks on armor and guns. Look up that guy by the docks, and his son, and do something about that. Can't have a reputation for not honoring my deals. Be ready for anything on Eos.

Andromeda, Day 360

-It's taking longer to reach Eos than we thought, something about the Scourge.

-Pathfinder is busy. Kosta's standoffish. Kallo is busy. Gil's fun. Lexi bought the fake records, for now.

-Ugh, human days are going to mess me up. I'm sorry I'm from a planet with longer day than Earth, and never adjusted to any other day. Never spent long enough in one place to adjust.

-I was showering when Suvi walked in on me. I know the Hierarchy might remove boundaries, but I'm not Hierarchy, so I wrapped a towel around my waist, and expected it to be awkward. But I swear to all the spirits, she acted like this was our first meeting. Introduced herself. Made some small talk. What the fuck?

-We are in orbit around Eos, that computer in the Pathfinder's head is getting scans, trying to figure out the situation on the ground. I'm going to sleep.

-To do: what the fuck is up with Suvi? Get strapped into armor, and make sure you keep it on around humans.

Andromeda, Day 361

-So, we land, right, and me, the Pathfinder, Kosta, and Harper all bundle out into the first settlement site, armed to the teeth. Good thing too, when the Kett attacked. The Pathfinder is being all snarky, I'm just using so many clips, Kosta's doing whatever, Harper is doing her biotic things, and we drive them off, and then we find a Nomad. Lucky break, good news, love those things, they only have three seats.

-Side note: holy shit the Pathfinder is crazy. She's biotic, and uses a shotgun, and just...charges the Kett? Some sort of biotic thing, and then bam, blast to the face, hoping she kills them before her shields go. It's impressive honestly. First thing I've seen out of her to make me think that there's more at work here than simple nepotism.

-But anyway, she looks at the Nomad, and the big alien monolith thing on the horizon, and asks Kosta, and then me to go with her as she checks out the planet. Which I did not expect. Harper didn't either, but the Pathfinder says something about Harper needing to stay and protect the ship, and that I'm a good shot. Which, like, I don't understand. Sure I shoot a lot, and hopefully make up the difference, but I'm not really a good shot. Oh well, happy to go with them.

-I take that back, she drives like crazy, not happy to go.

-Wait, she's like, crazy good at driving, this is fun, I take that back.

-Wooooooh!

-So anyway, we get to the monolith, destroy some of the robots, when this Asari comes out of nowhere, and tackles the Pathfinder. No self control. Snuck out here and was trying to understand this thing? We needed people on the Nexus. She's sold the Pathfinder on activating these other monoliths though, so I guess that's what we're doing. Who's the old man?

-Drack! Drack is back. Love that grumpy old dude. See Pathfinder, you did need me along. Look forward to seeing you on the Tempest, ancient Krogan kook.

-Alright, third monolith up. Time to head to this vault thing. Hell, maybe this Pathfinder ain't bad.

-Gravity wells are fun.

-Holy shit look at the size of this place.

-Well, that was a close call. We made it out of there alive, and in one piece, and it seems like it did something to the planet. Maybe life here wouldn't be impossible? Is it really possible to hope after the previous two disasters here? Maybe Sid was right, and there is something to this Pathfinder thing. Congratulations, Ryder. I guess we'll Path-find out.

-Ugh, I can't believe I thought of that.

-To do: rest back on the Tempest, big day, more to do here on Eos tomorrow.


	3. Andromeda, Day 362-386

Andromeda, Day 362

-Drack hasn't changed, love that dude.

-Peebee is immature, but I guess she's joining us. Thinks there might be more vaults out there.

-So we placed the marker for a new settlement, which I can't believe Addison approved, here on Eos. Sam confirms that radiation is decreasing, but there are still problems with this place. Even still, settlement should arrive tomorrow, gonna have to get ready for it today.

-After what they did to the first two settlements I have no problems killing Kett.

-The radiation isn't as much a problem for me as it is for the humans. I guess there are some advantages of having my planet of origin be Palaven. I wonder if someday Turians will make a home here. Will I?

-Ughhh, Kosta.

-So Ryder is a force of nature, at least with that SAM. Skilled biotic, if a little reckless and full of herself. Got the vault going though, and you can't argue with that. But Kosta apparently has been snooping in my files and found out about Sid, and starts getting on me for bringing a kid to Andromeda, while we're riding in the Nomad, with Ryder sitting right there. What do you want me to do? List the bounties I had on my head? The people back in the Milky Way who would use her to get to me? Screw you Kosta. Now I'm gonna have to talk to Ryder about this, stay on her good side.

-Still confused by Suvi, but I've been avoiding her.

-To do: have some tough conversations.

Andromeda, Day 363

-Colony arrived, helped this Bradley set up the prefabs. Good luck to them.

-What will this world look like someday, when the buildings aren't just prefabs, and auto-deploying landing zones?

-To do: rest.

Andromeda, Day 365

-So we're getting ready to head out, and I'm talking to Gil, he's talking about some friend of his and I ask if he's into her, and then he explains that he's gay? And I don't understand, and he starts explaining about some hangups humans used to have. I do not get this, but maybe I need to? Is Suvi what he called straight? That would be an explanation for what went down, at least, if I understood Gil correctly? I don't get it.

-So we've got Drack, who's great, Kallo who is Kallo, and that really immature selfish Peebee, but a lot of humans. I have got to do more research, figure out how to differentiate them, when they all look so similar.

-Kosta hates me, because of Sid, Ryder hasn't talked to me since, and I have to talk to Suvi. Fine, Vetra, be a big girl and get at least one awkward conversation out of the way today.

-Oh, she really didn't remember me. She was drunk, apparently, and thought I was just insulting her. I guess...I read too much into it? Also, no, apparently Suvi is also gay, although she did say something that makes me think she's only into other humans. Understandable. I guess I blew my shot with her but at least we can work together.

-Research shows: humans sometimes use humor to signal interest in others. While this has changed, in their history humans categorized people as straight, gay, bi, and other options. I guess by their metric I'm bi? Weird. I can understand the humor though, that makes sense to me.

-So Suvi and Gil would be gay, I'd be bi, Peebee and Lexi are Asari, Drack isn't going to be doing anything, or Kallo, I suspect. What about the rest?

-To do: research Kosta, Harper, and Ryder.

Andromeda, Day 366

-Kosta: crisis response. Darker hair and skin, loud opinions.

-Harper: biotic. Weird hair. Asari fetish? Little bit of a stick up in her.

-Ryder: daughter of Alec Ryder, who was born somewhere called China, fought in the Relay 314 Incident. Short. Red hair, nice shade. Sarcastic. Still nice though.

-Suvi: no chance.

-Gil: Funny, investigate poker.

-Ended the day in orbit around Eos, Sam shows radiation is still going down. We did good work down there.

-To do: talk to Ryder, for real this time.

Andromeda, Day 367

-Okay. Sid nearly ruined my first serious interaction with Ryder, but I think I salvaged it.

-So I'm on the call with Sid, right, and she's asking for updates, everyone on the Nexus is talking about Eos, and Prodromos, right, and then, like she owns the place, Ryder walks in, in that black jacket she's always wearing. I don't know what that jacket is made of but it certainly isn't regulation, and looks organic, so it must be a personal item from the Milky Way.

-I guess she kinda does own the place? The Tempest? Or rather the Nexus and the Initiative owns it. But it's not like she's getting paid, that comes later.

-Anyway, Sid hears her, and starts being like, is that the Pathfinder? Is that her? This crazy one-eyed merc I met on Omega taught me the human term 'fangirling' and I don't think I understood it until I heard Sid talk about Pathfinders. So I cut her off, cut the line, and realize right then I have to make up for that first impression. But Ryder seems to understand. Still, I make a big deal about how I am here to work, and how I know where to procure anything, the usual spiel. Make myself sound important, competent, and maybe a little bit of a badass. And she likes it. I think. I'm pretty sure I was reading her right when she talked about my intensity, and how much she liked it, even if humans can be hard to read. And I liked it too, not going to lie. Made me feel appreciated. This could be a good working relationship between me and Ryder.

To do: tell Sid to stop embarrassing me.

Andromeda, Day 368

-Back on the Nexus.

-I'm glad you're safe too, kid.

-Spirits, please stop asking me so many questions about Eos.

-Or the Pathfinder. I don't know what you want me to say? She knows how to handle a shotgun, is a smartass, and is ridiculously reckless and impulsive. Not exactly the grizzled veteran of her father we all heard about, but still, she did get Prodromos where it is.

-Get my sister to stop fangirling, also, don't tell her about the bodies on Eos.

-Wait, shit, someone stole my lamp? Damn. Broken into during the revolt? Sloppy, Vetra, really sloppy.

-To do: alert contacts of missing lamp.

Andromeda, Day 370

-Woke up that guy's son. Favor settled.

-So I was doing some more research on Ryder, trying to get my position clear. And it hits me, she has a brother still in stasis. Of course she wouldn't be upset at Sid calling me. Her dad's dead, mother died back in the Milky Way, and her brother is stuck in a cryopod. How do you deal with that? I mean, I don't think my parents were ever family, but Sid is, and I have to protect my family.

-I think I remember some other Turian kids on Palaven calling my dad a bareface. Whatever, he's dead now. He's not family.

-Also, apparently her jacket is made of leather, which is also made from cow. I'm not sure what about cows is so important, but I hope the humans brought some with them.

-To do: be nicer to Sid. Also make sure she stays here and out of harm's way. Look up information about human cows.

Andromeda, Day 372

-Ryder checked on me while I was watching them provision the tempest. Had a little chat with her. That was nice. Think she was running some errands. Heading back out tomorrow, after a new world, following a lead we found down in the vault on Eos.

-Been awake here one Palaven year. Fucking hell. What a fucking year.

Andromeda, Day 373

-Okay, apparently we are not going after the lead immediately, scanning some new systems first.

-It was just about done for the night, taking stock of any contraband on the Tempest, when Ryder came down and talked with me. No rush, no fuss, just a conversation. It was nice. Asked about why I joined, Sid, the uprising, stuff she didn't see. Asked about the back channels, and the Tempest. I may have talked that up a bit, acted like I kept it waiting for her, when really all I did was find it in storage. Not bad though. I think I like her. Small. Gotta get better at describing humans.

-To do: look up how humans describe themselves.

Andromeda, Day 374

-I'm not sure who I'm writing this for, in all honesty. The idea was a whim given to me by this grey-eyed Krogan on the Citadel, not mine, but he was remarkably persuasive. Future generations are going to want to know what happened the first few years, he said. And I don't know why but I just wanted to what he said.

-But also, you know, I'm writing for me. For if we survive this.

-So I guess I should describe the Tempest, for future reference.

-Tall enough ceilings, big overpowered engine. No weapons, which could be a problem. Lots of windows. Sleek, is the word, I think, more so than a lot of Initiative tech. I've been sleeping around some crates near the back. There are beds, yes, and Kosta's stupid couch, but I have spent so many nights stowing away on freighters that I don't need beds. I like the feel of the engine through the hull. And this little place back here is my room, I've determined. Plus then I can keep Palaven days, not Earth days.

Andromeda, Day 375

-Still scanning planets. I get that it's important, but we've got stuff to do, and weird ancient alien vaults to find.

-Note to self: humans are a diverse species, still not as fully integrated as other species, such as the Quarians, Batarians, Asari, or even us Turians. Closest analogy I can come up with is how on all the different colonies Turians apparently were differentiating, before the Unification War brought us all back together under the Hierarchy, displaying different features, and customs. Humans are divided by appearance, by something called ethnicities, as well as religion (See: Suvi). Until recently, there were many nations states on Earth, that sometimes, warred with each other. Apparently humans once barely avoided Tuchanka's fate. If a human were to describe Sara Ryder, they might mention her American name, or Chinese heritage, her lack of religious faith (apparently that's something they keep on file) her freckles, her red hair, her epicanthic folds, her brown eyes. There, that looks pretty good. Understanding humans complete. Oh, also, apparently she's short even for humans. About three fourths of my height, maybe a little taller.

-To do: still don't understand cows. Understand cows.

Andromeda, Day 380

-Almost done with the charting. Turns out Suvi's pretty nice once you get to know her, and aren't trying to get into her pants. Finally played poker with Gil. He beat me, but said I was really good for a beginner. Gonna keep practicing that. Kosta still hates me. I need to find out where he got that couch.

-Had a bit of a strange conversation with Ryder. She came down, into my room, and I said something about how I hoped she had a plan, and then she said asked if I had anyone in Andromeda. I go on to mention Sid again, and how she's my only family. I'm not like that idiot Kosta, leaving behind tons of people in the Milky Way. I brought my family with me. But then she said it was in a different way. Like, I guess, that way? Romance? Love? Sex? And we finished with this weird conversation where she was talking about sharing experiences with people. Weird.

To do: figure Ryder out.

Andromeda, Day 381

-Oh damn, first contact again. More tomorrow, right now I'm gonna keep a gun on me and keep an eye on these people.

Andromeda, Day 382

-All right, so here's what happened. We're flying through space, as space-ships should do, when wham, there's this Kett ship, and some horned guy calling himself the Archon calls us, and starts mouthing off about killing us, or being better than us, or something, wasn't paying much attention. And Kallo guns the engine, running through the Scourge, into a new system that's like, hiding in it, and then, wham again, new aliens, flying around outside, forcing us down, on a new world, with non-immediately hostile aliens. Ryder tells me they're called the angara. They need us to help another of their worlds, Havarl, so they sent one of their own, called Jaal, onto the ship, and that's apparently where we are going next, in order to earn their trust, and maybe help them fight against the Kett, which are also bastards to them. I really hope they don't kill us. I guess the only other aliens they've contacted have been the Kett, though, and also the old robots, so it makes sense they don't trust us.

Andromeda, Day 383

-So much paperwork, establishing first contact. Who knew. Barely got to call Sid. Still on Aya, vidcalling Addison, and Tann, and Kesh, and what a mess.

-To do: work on establishing backdoors and channels with the angara? Maybe.

Andromeda, Day 384

-On our way to Havarl!

-Wait, Kosta is planning a movie night, and Suvi has some sort of weird fruit from Aya? That's going to be a disaster.

-Jaal's interesting. The first time I met humans I had a hard time reading their faces. They only have one pair of vocal cords, and their voices are so...flat. I learned later that that's partly why their faces are so soft, because they move them a lot to display their emotions, and they don't need to convey as much emotion through voice as we turians do. I have the opposite problem with Jaal, he keeps telling me how he feels and I don't know what to do with it.

-To do: figure out Jaal.

Andromeda, Day 385

-What the hell? We run into problems on Eos, and Habitat-7, where they can't support life, and here there's too much life? What is up with that?

-I hate wildlife so much. Give me a day on a spaceship, or a city, or even the Nomad, it's better than this.

-Heh, it's a lot for Ryder too. She's flying around, doing all her biotic trickery, but still drenched in sweat. It's kinda funny, honestly. Hopefully she can find another of these vaults in this network she and her SAM think exist.

-Hey Turians. I mean, I guess I should be glad they're here. I don't think there are enough of us on the Nexus to support a population. It would be tight, at least, a close call for our species. It's good that they're out there, somewhere, fighting on, like good Turians are always supposed to do. But this Avitus is such a military prick. I've known dozens just like him. And he was a Spectre? Spectres are a smugglers worst dream. One day you're running some eezo to some clueless human supremacists who will probably killed by their own machine in a few days, just getting some creds out of it before they kill themselves, and then boom, some Kryik prick is kicking down your door. So, like, yay, I'm glad that my species may not go extinct, but also, boo, the Hierarchy.

-To do: think about what I'd want a future for Turians to look like.

Andromeda, Day 386

-Camping on Havarl is nightmare.

-Alright, there's a lot about these angara and their spirituality I don't understand. At least Ryder's not religious. I would ask Jaal about it, but we just shot a lot of these Roekarr, and maybe he feels mad about that? I mean, I would, just a little.

-Alright, Ryder. Do your thing. Turn on this vault, save this world. Prove you aren't just the product of some nepotism and a fancy AI stuck in your head.

-Haha! Never doubted you for a second Ryder.

-Oh shit, we've got to get to some other planet called Voeld and save this Moshae from some Kett thing. Tomorrow. Tonight I am going to take a long shower and get this the stink of this planet off my plates.

-To do: talk to Jaal.


	4. Andromeda, Day 387-399

Andromeda, Day 387

-Currently FTL. I think Ryder is...making a gun? Armor? Tinkering. She's got some skills, that kid. She knows her way around machines. Of course, so do I, but more construction, from old jobs.

-Coordinated a nice deal back on the Nexus, without even setting foot there. That's how good I am, Heleus. Boom!

-Playing poker with Gil. He seemed worried. Like he was actually having a hard time beating me. I won a couple hands too. I think if I keep practicing this I'll beat him soon.

-To do: look up 'human poker tells' when I get the chance.

Andromeda, Day 388

-Why does Ryder keep on asking me to come down to the surface with her? Drack is tougher, and Cora is a powerful biotic? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely a better fighter than Liam, or Peebee. And we need Jaal. But why me? Oh well, gear up.

-Holy shit this planet is freezing. How do the angara do this?

-I guess this is even worse for me than it is for Ryder. Damn humans, you don't know the meaning of the word cold until you have metal exoskeleton. I'm sorry, that's mostly sarcasm on the ride to our destination. Mostly.

-Alright, gearing up to assault this Kett base. Do your thing SAM.

-Decontamination.

-Oh shit.

-Fucking hell, I hate the Kett even more.

Andromeda, Day 389

-Okay, so I think Ryder is throwing herself into tasks around here so she doesn't have think about what happened at the Kett base, but while we're tracking down ice space whales, I'm going to write this down, because I don't want to forget any of this, when we're fighting the Kett later.

-We arrived at the base, got through the shield, fought some dudes, and went through a decontamination chamber. And then we had this view, down on a group of Kett, mind controlling angara, and leading some sort of cult thing. Jaal is pissed. I am too. He's heartbroken. Ryder keeps going, and we fight on, until we're stuck in another decontamination, and forced to watch as this Kett does something to this angara. The angara...shifts, and changes, before our eyes. The Kett calls it exaltation.

-The Kett, or many of them, at least, are angara.

-Jaal is...almost crazy with grief and anger. And we keep fighting, and find this Kett bitch trying to exalt an angara Jaal says is the Moshae. We wreck their shit, and I get the Kett bitch at gunpoint as Ryder talks to her.

-The aforesaid Kett bitch says if we spare the facility, she will spare the hundreds of angara inside, and Ryder agrees, as does Jaal. The Moshae hates it, wants the place blown up. But I see Ryder. Ryder is furious, I can tell, and hurting. She was not ready for any of this, I don't think. She's not the hero, or the warrior, or the soldier her dad was going to be. She's not ready to kill all those people, I don't think, so she spares the facility, giving the angara time to get out of there.

-And here's the one good thing, though, the sort of I really like about Ryder. She just shoots that Kett in the head, and we walk away. That bitch didn't deserve any better after what she did to those people.

-To do: ahh shit I really do need to talk to Jaal.

Andromeda, Day 390

-Vault active, kett shit wrecked, getting an outpost set up here, with permission of the local angara. Shit, Ryder, you make this look easy. But we're going to have to go back to Aya and talk to the Moshae eventually, you know?

Andromeda, Day 392

-Good conversation with Ryder today, on our way back to Aya. She walked in on me in the little room I've made for myself, looking at pictures I took of the exaltation chamber with my omnitool. And I explained that some of the equipment looked like stuff I had seen on Aya, Havarl, and Voeld, and was talking to some of the angara I had met, trying to figure out where the Kett got this stuff. I was...pretty upset when she walked in, I'll admit. A little more emotionally vulnerable. Stupid, but she didn't take advantage, and I appreciated that. She made the point that Scott is her little brother, just like Sid is my little sister, and we're both all that's left of our families. And spirits forgive me, but I actually opened up about raising Sid, after the disaster of Mama Nyx and Papa Arterius. But then she shared stuff about her parents.

-Sorry, it's just weird. Not used to talking this openly about stuff. Spilled my guts pretty much, about my dad, stupid decisions I made as a kid, bounties. I actually told her that I was afraid of not coming home to Sid. That someday I wouldn't be there for her. And she said something about me being strong and smart.

-Note to future self: I don't take praise well. Like talking myself up, not so much from other people.

-So I retort that I may be those things, but also I'm just damn lucky. All those shootouts and fights I got in in the Milky Way? Only dumb luck I survived, not any special skill. Plenty of kids in similar positions didn't. I once walked away from an exploding hanar ship because I had fallen asleep in the escape pod. Later I learned it was an assassination by some top-shot drell fucker, and only dumb luck I survived. The fact I wasn't killed in my sleep by a collision with the Scourge? Dumb luck. What if that luck runs out on me someday?

-Sara Ryder: "I won't."

-I said something else to wrap up the conversation with her. But what does that mean? Does she know something I don't? Is she trying to be my friend? 'Cause I don't have many, aside from maybe Drack, and a friendly poker rivalry with Gil. I need to think. But this much is true, Vetra Nyx, Ryder's good. She's smart, friendly, kinda adorable, honestly, when she's not being a smartass. Knows how to handle a shotgun. You made the right choice, getting on the Tempest. Stick with her until you've got your feet under you in Andromeda.

-To do: figure out what Ryder's up too. She's good at what she does, but she must have some angle with me, right? She's trying to get something, even if it's just friendship, but I need to know what.

Andromeda Day 393

-Met up with that Evfra guy, and the Moshae. I think they were shaken by the news, but at least they trust us now that we've saved their scientist lady. Ryder and her think they have a lead from a vault here on Aya. We're going to go after the Archon, as soon as we leave. Going to steal some important Remnant tech from him, but first we need to find a traitor. Surprise, it turns out this was not quite the first contact for the angara. The Exiles already ran into them. There's a traitorous angara in exile custody, who might know the way to the Archon, who might know where the center of this vault network is. Meridian. Gonna make a home for all of us, terraform all the worlds at once. Keep us fed, keep the lights on. Permanently. Make a future for us. At least that's the plan.

-We're going to have to go to a planet the Exiles camped out at, named Kadara. This is big news. I know a lot of those Exiles. I need to make contact with them again. Honestly, this Kadara sounds like a lot of places I used to hang around.

-To do: stock up the Tempest before we head out.

Andromeda, Day 393

-Finally left Aya. As we were leaving Jaal and I met in the kitchen, and we had a bit of a conversation. Started with normal inquiries into turians, and Milky Way history, but then turned into something more. He said I pretend to be mad at Sid all the time because I don't want to be vulnerable. No weakness.

-Infuriating stuff, I know, but does he have a point?

-To do: be more vulnerable, maybe? Call Sid and tell her I love her.

Andromeda, Day 394

-Scanning a new system on our way to Kadara. And it hits me. Looking down on the storms spinning across an uncharted planet, as the star comes into view as we orbit around it. This is a sunrise no turian has seen before. No one else from the Milky Way. Maybe no one ever. The sun filters through the atmosphere for a second, refracted red and orange, and plays across Sara's face, as she stands at the helm of the Tempest.

-Maybe there really is something romantic running after all these sunrises no one has ever seen.

-We are all wanderers.

-I think.

-I'm thinking of this, eating the dextro variant of blast-ohs, when Ryder walks in on me. Leather jacket off this time. Her hair is different, shorter, I note with passing interest. Note to self: hair is interesting. Why do so few other sapients have it? Highly decorative. Maybe it's something like our colony face markings. I think she's just woken up.

-But, as she eats the version of blast-ohs she can eat, she strikes up a conversation. At first I think it's just a little more small talk, but then she starts asking about how things felt. How it felt to raise Sid, when I wasn't even old enough for bootcamp. How it felt to be a kid on a border world, trying to keep me and Sid alive. Did I experience the Skyllian Blitz? How was it to work on construction?

-And in all honesty, I nearly lied, or shut her up right there. I trust Drack in a fight, I trust Kesh to make a deal. I'd lay down my life for Sid without a moment's hesitation. But other than them, I don't trust people. Not easily, at least. But I remember my conversation with Jaal, and the way Ryder has reached out before. So I decide to trust her, tell her what it was like.

-Spirits I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me.

-To do: not sure, be okay with being vulnerable?

Andromeda, Day 395

-Huh, I guess I really am going to do this journalling thing every day. Ryder has a habit of stirring things up.

-Landing in Kadara, and immediately Drack comes up to me. Turns out he had a few run ins with some smugglers peddling "genuine" Krogan quads. A few of his people want payback, and he wants me to go. Says they may have some angara goods I could use. Ryder is going to meet with Kelly, to talk about the traitor. Me and Drack have time to deal with this.

-Drack is good to have in a fight. We didn't even have to kill anyone. Break some kneecaps, and they won't try to scam the Krogan again. And I've got some fancy...fruits I think? I'll find someone who wants these.

-Ryder's back. The Exiles are going to be killing the angara, but apparently there's something he buried out in the wasteland that can lead us to the Archon.

-Also some guy named Reyes apparently hit on Ryder. She seems...uncomfortable as she talks about it, if I'm doing the reading human faces accurately thing. There have been some murders out in the wasteland, and he wants us to investigate. We need Kadara to be stable, someday, if we want an outpost here, and this war between the Exiles and collective does no one any good.

-Got the transmitter.

-We're investigating these deaths, and this guy keeps flirting with Ryder. It's clearly making her uncomfortable.

-Alright, some stuff went down, but Sloane wants us to meet her tomorrow. Looks like we're spending the night in the Nomad.

Andromeda, Day 396

-You know, I know this planet is a toxic wasteland, but it looks pretty at night.

-It is really hard to get comfortable in a Nomad with a snoring Krogan. So me and Ryder went up to the roof. Camped out here, taking turns sleeping, gun in hand.

-Ooh, shooting star. Bit of satellite breaking up in orbit, I think.

-Alright, my watch.

-Huh, Ryder snores in her sleep. Not like Drack, shaking the Nomad, but soft, and kinda wheezy. God, she is so insane in combat, and still so small.

-Practice describing humans. Ryder is small, but I've seen her muscles on the Tempest. Lots of little dots on her face. What are they called? Freckles? They're cute. She's cute. She's…

-Sorry, she woke up, and we talked for a bit, before shee went to sleep. About Earth, her mom, Ellen, who's dead. Her Dad, who sounds like a bit of a prick. I think she's hiding something. Hiding some pain, about her brother, her mom, her dad, hiding underneath her snarky exterior. I mean it has to be painful, but she's always so sarcastic. Except with me?

-She mentioned an ex, on the Citadel, talking about how it's weird that they're probably dead. And I ask who he was, without thinking, trying to match human social customs, and there's that flinch, like she does with Reyes. And she says, flatter than is normal even for humans and their one set of vocal chords, "I'm a lesbian," and I'm like...okay I know I've heard that word, but what exactly does it mean again?

-Oh wow, Earth's history is messed up.

-Apparently there are STILL people on isolated colonies and enclaves of Earth who aren't okay with people being gay, or, I guess, lesbian (is that the same thing?). Weird. Fortunately I can wow Ryder with my new human knowledge and tell her I'm bi. She seems to appreciate that. Her face moved a whole lot, into a grin.

-Alright, Drack is awake, time to set up this meeting. Why am I feeling so mad at Reyes?

-God, I love Drack. Kesh is lucky.

-Showdown time.

-Holy shit, Reyes tried to shoot Sloan, and Ryder saved him, I got a few shots at him. Why am I so mad?

To do: fuck Reyes up. Why am I so mad?

Andromeda, Day 398

-Leaving Kadara, contacts set up, bringing popcorn.

-Oh, I'm mad 'cause she doesn't like men and he didn't respect that. That makes sense, Vetra Nyx.

-Time to bring the fight to the Archon.

-Gotta call Sid. Is Sid a lesbian? I mean, I just learned the word, and it isn't something I've ever heard someone other than a human give a crap about, but I guess someday she may be finding someone. Do not want to think about that. Just tell her you love her, and don't tell her how dangerous what you're doing is.

-Cora's talking to me. Military, but not bad. Talking about my deals on Kadara, but agreed to let things rest. I told her the Scourge woke up Sid, not me. Oh well, everyone has to lie sometimes.

To do: DO NOT THINK ABOUT IT

Andromeda, Day 399

-Archon here we come.

-Holy shit, the Salarians. We need to save them.

-I'll finish writing after we do this. Tomorrow.

To do: do this.


	5. Andromeda, Day 400-409

Andromeda, Day 400

-Too tired. Tomorrow.

Andromeda, Day 401

-You know what, this isn't a history book. Ryder saved the day. The Archon tortured a bunch of Salarians. I don't have to say how. Ryder let some Krogan die, and Drack is pissed, but she saved tens of thousands of Salarians. I care about her. I need to talk to Drack about this. Fuck the Kett.

Andromeda, Day 402

-Okay, fine, what really happened was Sara died, and I hated that. And I...think I know why. Goddamn it. It's one thing to want a fling with a hot science chick, but something more? Maybe we can just have sex, keep it casual. 'Cause I learned a long time ago not to trust anyone. Right? Screw Jaal's advice.

-To do: screw Jaal's advice.

Andromeda, Day 404

-Always good to be back on the Nexus. I love you sis. Be safe. You and me against the world. No one else. Family. Only trust family.

Andromeda, Day 405

-Ughhh, Kosta, you screwed up. Yes, of course I'll come with you Sara.

-If you two could please stop joking that'd be great, alright?

-Yes, this is on you Kosta.

-Glad we had those colonists there, to help us save the day.

-Tomorrow I'm talking to Kosta.

-To do: talk to Liam.

Andromeda, Day 406

-Alright, Liam and I might not be friends, but I think he at least understands why I brought Sid with me to Andromeda

-And, I mean, not to do Lexi's job for her but I think he was projecting a bit. He had a family and a career back in the Milky Way. Left it all behind. He's got to feel bitter, and out of place after that. Maybe he's even of me, that I have family with me. Jealous. Maybe that's why he wants to have a movie night so badly. He wants to find some place to belong. He's desperately trying to find one, and had a bit of a meltdown, which got us in this mess. I'm glad Sara called him out on it.

-I don't think Drack and Sara have spoken since the Paarchero. I don't like this.

-To do: why am I so attached to these people?

Andromeda, Day 408

-Ughhh, Sid, why do you want to get involved in this? Listen, you have a point but...ugh. Why are you like this?

-Fine, I'll ask Sara, but you are going to have to stay on the line, and I'm not going to get her even if you have to wait hours, and if she shuts you down, that is the end of it, I am not getting involved.

-Listen you might have something, and of course Sara is going to get involved in this. She is nice, and wants to help everyone, right? Right? Ugh, this better not blow up in my face. Sid, you just stay there on the Nexus and be safe, even if this was pretty smart of you. I'll give you that much, okay. Alright?

-At least we're close to the Remav system.

-Shit, shit, shit, fuck Sid. I am going to drill your shin plates.

-Who is Meriweather? Who are these smugglers? Colonists? Whatever? Sara is like, oh you were helping people, because you're so altruistic. And she needs to get it through her head, I help family, which is me, and Sid. No one else. I am not altruistic, and I'm not helping people, and I have no clue who the fuck any of these people are, and she's banging around down there looking for a way out. Fuck!

-Of course it's you Sid. I can't fucking believe this. Sara's like, hey, she's smart, but she's not, she's dumb and she needs to get home, back to the Nexus where she will be safe, but we need her here and FUCK THIS DAY AND FUCK YOU SID.

-Sid's alive. I need some time to think.

Andromeda, Day 409

-Okay, here's what happened yesterday. We fought through a lot of Meriweather's guys, but they took Sid captive. I don't think I realized how that would feel, all my worst Milky Way nightmares come true in a new galaxy. And fucking Sara fucking Ryder shoots that fuck Meriweather, I run grab Sid and theres a shootout. We survived.

-Sid...apologized. I don't think she realized what my job was like. She knows now, though. I can't hide it from her anymore.

-It didn't end well. Sara said Sid did a good thing, but I don't know. She stormed off, back to the Citadel, but after it was all over, Ryder checked in on me, and asked me how I'm doing. Why did she do that?

-Well you know what, Sara Ryder? I'm not okay. I did all of this to give my sister a new start, so she doesn't have to do the things I had to do to survive, the things I still do to survive. The things I do with you. And she goes and does them anyway. A new galaxy and it didn't matter. I can't keep her safe. It's big and dangerous, and I just don't know if I can do this alone. I can't keep her safe? She'll get involved again, or the Kett will attack, or the food run out, despite all your colonies, and the angara, and it will all come crashing down. But what do you care about her?

-Why do you care? Were you trying to encourage her? Mentor her? Why by all the stars would you do that?

-Because you actually do want to encourage her?

-Because you care about her?

-Because you care about me?

-Oh.

-Fuck, here she comes, have to think of something fast.

-So Sara comes in, as I'm on the comms desperately trying to repair all of the damage Sid's done to my network and my contacts and my reputation, and I tell her about the cats, and Sara, being Sara, says cats are fun, is being all light, and jokey, but then she gets serious. She talks about helping people, like Sid, and she means it. And I start babbling my worries to her, like a kid. What if Sid gets into trouble again? Blah blah blah. And she just says that she cares for us both.

-Didn't really have much to say after that. I think I'm into Sara Ryder. More than just casual sex level into her.

-To do: Spirits, am I really going to do this to myself again? I already looked up how to sex humans. I need to take this slow. Need to look up how to romance humans. Also, is she into me? Need to confirm.


	6. Andromeda, Day 414-423

Andromeda, Day 414

-On our way to the Asari ark, maybe, after a quick stopover on Aya to resupply. And, as always, we scanned a few systems along the way. We are like, always scanning systems, aren't we? I guess that's just part of exploring.

-Note to self: Research shows humans like a form of affection called a kiss, which consists of them pressing their lips together. I do not have lips, and this action, or an alternative, may take time to figure out. Humans also use physical touch, such as wrapping arms around each other, to show support. This makes sense to me. Humans may flirt by referring to the object of their interest in oblique terms. Humans find views from high points aesthetically pleasing. Humans generally have positive views of cuisine. Some humans are known to enjoy daring activities, such as rock climbing, and may find these activities elevating emotions such as love, excitement, and lust. Several human mating rituals involved the preparation and consumption of certain foods. HOLY SHIT I FOUND IT. Several human cultures found a dinner of cow steak to be a high form of luxury, and were known to engage in this behavior with the object of their desire. Humans have been known to try to define relationships, and sometimes, when a relationship reaches a critical point, are known to go steady, or dtr, by asking if a perceived relationship is real. Also something about licking lampposts but I think that was largely a joke. Also the bit about swooping.

-To do: find aesthetically pleasing high point. TRACK DOWN THE HUMAN COW YOU SOLD YOU IDIOT. Practice kissing? You know Sara is into women, and you are a woman, but find out if she likes turians. Specifically if she likes turians with messed up pasts and a penchant for illegal activity. Whose names begin with a V.

Andromeda, Day 415

-Well, the Asari are alive. No M names, at least among the ones I met, fortunately. Cora has, like, an enormous, raging, massive hard on for them. Wait, is she into them? Gotta ask. Still trying to understand humans. But at least everyone's favorite slightly pretentious, sometimes annoying blue species is going to live on. I'm pretty sure I even met an angara who was into them.

-Huh, sorry your idol let you down Cora.

-Ryder kept her in power, but told people about it. That's good, she's got some experience, but it'll keep her honest.

-You know, in retrospect, I guess I kinda do understand Alec Ryder. Well, I will never understand how he was as handsoffish as he was with Sara. I mean she's a wonderful person, and she deserved better, even if he was better than my dad and all his secrets and plans for the galaxy. But at least I understand why Alec Ryder didn't want Cora to be the human Pathfinder. When I first met Sara I thought it was just nepotism that put her in charge. And she's not perfect. She's impulsive, and doesn't always know what she's doing. She doesn't really think through things. You should've seen her shooting the console when bailing Kosta out. But she is going out there, and doing things herself. Cora's just a follower. A good warrior, a brave woman, but still a follower.

-To do: ask Cora about her and the Asari.

Andromeda, Day 417

-I guess we're just waiting for the Moshae to figure out the way to Meridian? Either that or there are plenty of more demanding things for the Pathfinder to do, which, I mean, fair. It's a new cluster full of excitement. And danger.

-Or, wait, actually I think it's just that Tann, Addison and all the rest aren't giving Sara the approval. The bastards. Of course there is bureaucracy tied up all in this. I wonder if I should talk to Kesh?

-Also so much scanning. Looking for iridium is not the most stimulating thing ever. I'd rather be smothered.

Andromeda, Day 418

-Okay, so standard disclaimer, Sid, I know you think you're a big girl, and you think you have contacts, and have shown very little regard for my privacy in the past, but seriously, if you ever read this I will find you, and I will kill you.

-So, I'm standing there, talking to one of the Exiles, about that stupid lamp. I think one of them stole it back before they left the Nexus, when Sara walks in, and we start talking about the lamp. I try to side track the conversation by talking about the Archon, but she brings it back to the lamp. Says it's important to remember where we came from, with this far away look in her eyes. So I actually tell her about the stupid lamp.

-Listen, I have done distasteful stuff. I have been an asshole to keep me and Sid alive. When the lamp went missing I just didn't care. I didn't think we were going to survive. But Sara's made things different. She's shown me that things can be different. We've changed the math. We've made a difference here. Maybe I can change, too. A new beginning.

-And I finish with something about people dreaming again. Trite, maybe, but I am honestly feeling it today. Feeling hopeful.

-And Sara, sarcastic lovable little thing that she is, I swear, says she is dreaming of somebody in particular.

-And on any other day I wouldn't be up to keeping up with her, but I am in rare form today. I am at the top of my game. I am making deals, I am having hopes, I am turning over new leaves, and I am feeling myself. So I throw back at her a little bashful, a little sarcastic, oh, and who are you thinking of?

-And Sara, I swear by all the spirits, says, "Oh, you'll love her, tall, great with guns and getting people to do what she wants."

-So, yeah, I'd say it's mutual.

-Am I alone now? Do I trust this to writing?

-Okay, yeah I do, HOLY SHIT.

-Okay, I've been reserved, and at the risk of sounding like Sid: here's an incomplete list of what I like about Ryder.

-She's making a difference. She cares about me and Sid. She's ferocious in a fight. She's not above it all. She cares about people, and is also trying to figure it out. She's funny. Sarcastic yes, and don't get me wrong, it can be hard to read human voices, they're so flat, but I think I can read her face.

-I guess, I also do kinda like things about her physically. She's small, kinda like a baby animal. Tiny really. She's got those markings, freckles, on her face, which are nice. I like the color of her hair. It's really weird that humans have it. Like, no other sapients do. Well, I've heard quarians do, but who knows? But it makes sense as a decoration. It looks like sunsets. She's incredibly muscled too, I've seen her arms. It's cool that for humans physical strength is externally visible, given how strangely soft they can be, and how twitchy and moveable their faces are.

-Maybe also her voice too, in that weird human way.

-What does she look like under her clothes? I don't know. A beige asari? I can do that. More to discover, you know, more to try.

-To do: try.

Andromeda, Day 419

-We're heading back to Kadara, to find the vault, and hopefully get an outpost there, now that the port is a bit more peaceful, under Sloane Kelly. And I think I have an idea to, how was it, dtr the relationship?

-Remember, humans like views, Sara is sort of... what was it that Gil called her? An adrenaline junkie.

-Note to self: adrenaline is an apparent name for a human hormone released when they are excited. I hope to cause more adrenaline releases in Sara soon.

-Dear Ryder, hey, I want my tongue in your mouth, meet on Kadara? Local tall smuggler with guns. Nope.

-Hey, Sara, wanna find new nerve endings together? Nope.

-My cherished Sara Ryder, Champion of Heleus, Herald of the Milky Way, Hero of the Nexus, it would surprise and and delight me if you would grace me with your presence in a tea party. Tea soon? Maybe with an egg. I hear those are earthly delights. I shall cast a veil of enchantment, yes, enchantment, upon you.

-Ugh fuck that, keep it causal. There, sent.

-To do: do this.

Andromeda, Day 420.

-Drack looked at this, over my shoulder, which, rude, but that's kinda his thing. He then laughed. I asked him to explain, but he told me to ask a human. Oh well.

-Ryder turned on the vault here on Kadara, gonna get the acid off this planet. You know, just like that. Spirits, she is good at this.

-We're out in the wastelands, waiting for the shuttles to come in from the Nexus. Ughhh so close.

Andromeda, Day 421.

-Ditaeon. Good name. Christmas Tate, human custom?

-Setting up prefabs. I'm actually pretty good at making buildings. Before I was a smuggler, or a merc, or a wrangler for the initiative this was how I got my start, and it still shows.

-I almost cannot wait.

-I want to tell Sara. I think this is the planet where I really realized, under the stars, with her, looking up at the sky.

Andromeda, Day 422

-More prefabs.

-Spirits, why can't setting up an independent outpost ever be easy?

-Tomorrow.

Andromeda, Day 423

-Day started easy enough, putting the finishing touches on the landing pads. Late tonight we've got to be back at the Port. Apparently Avitus had a lead on the turian Ark, out on the planet the Krogan settled. But first things first, rocks, and sunset.

-Taking the Nomad out there right now. Sara's driving, pointing out places on Kadara Ditaeon can use, or might expand into. I'm letting her talk. She's helped people, and she cares about them. She cares so deeply. I like hearing her talk. She has a different accent than Suvi. Her voice has less emotion, less information than mine, but it is still pretty, I think, even with only one set of vocal cords. I can see the rocks now, the good ones, with the view of the sky we looked at the first night out here, on the Nomad, with Drack snoring. Looking down on the settlement she helped create. Views and adrenalin, the Vetra Nyx special. I'll finish this tomorrow. Hope it's good news.


	7. Andromeda, Day 424-431

Andromeda, Day 424

-On our way to Elaaden. Avitus has his lead on the turian ark over there.

-I keep on looking at my files. This exile owes this angaran this thing, and he owes a Krogan this, and he has a lover on the Nexus, who has debts left over from the Milky Way, and I can't focus on it.

-I have work to do. I have to make sure my armor is maintained, make sure the Nomad is up to snuff, make sure my guns are working, make sure the networks are fine. I have to even the math, and stay up to date with it all.

-And I don't want to.

-My day and hers have drifted out of sync. Earth and Palaven. Different biological clocks. I think she's asleep right now, and I really want to talk to her.

-No, I want her to do what she did yesterday, on the rocks, looking down on Kadara. I want her to kiss me.

-Spirits, I'm almost as bad a romantic as Sid.

-Fine, I'll put down my work, and write about what happened yesterday. I want to remember, at least.

-So we got out of the Nomad, and she's still talking, now about this thing her and Scott used to to, apparently, shooting something in a place named Beggar's Canyon? I'm distracted. I am memorizing every detail of her. Every pore. I read somewhere that humans are nearly blind, compared to us, their world less detailed, and less focused. And I think it's a shame. Because she can't see herself the way I see her.

-How does she see me? Is she into thick plates? A good fringe? What even attracts a human to a turian? I know I am into her muscles, her skill, her humor, her kindness, and also whatever the human equivalent of an azure is.

-And I need a distraction, like, right then, so I suggest the rock climbing, like I meant to. Old fashioned Palaven style, no cheating. I beat her up, of course, but that's the advantages of extra reach. She's exhausted, when she's on the top, and flops down on the rock. I know I can read humans better than some. I know the flush in her face is adrenaline, and excitement. Her breathing is heavy, her body moving with it. She's having fun. And I lay down with her, looking up at the sky.

-Listen, I will be the first to tell you, I can be cool. I know it. I have the coat tails to prove it. I can put on an act, be tough, but there, looking up at the sky, I know it's now or never. DTR, as humans say. I need to be honest, and vulnerable, like Jaal said, or it's never going to happen. So I ask her if it's real.

-And Sara, I swear to all the Spirits, is still a smartass, and says, yes, she thinks the sky is actually real.

-But don't worry, I didn't let her get away with that.

-So I did ask her. If she cared about me. In that way. Sex, romance, love, lust. More than just a friend.

-She said yes, by the way.

-And I start blabbering, and she just rolls over, and pushes her lips against my mouth.

-I did my research. I know what a kiss is, and what it signifies, for humans. I don't have lips, but her lips were on my mouth, so I opened it, a little, and pushed my tongue against her. She seemed confused, for a moment, and then let my tongue inside her.

-I know turian tongues are a lot longer than human ones, but I didn't know they found this...erotic. Happy accident, because, again, knowing how to read humans, she was really into it. I could feel her heart through my plates, and feel her body temperature spike, and she was making this noise, and for once I think I understood all the emotions in a human voice.

-Later, when I was driving the Nomad back, I asked her what it was we did on the rocks. She called it making out. I liked it. I liked the way she had her face against mine. She had her hands around me, even in armor, and seemed to be reaching especially for my legs, and my crotch, and my chestplates. I understand the crotch, I suppose. We both do keep our genitalia there, but I think I need to do some more digging to understand why she was so into my chestplate. But, again, even in armor, I did also like having my hands on her. Her back, her legs, between them. I like that. She felt so small, and yet, also really strong?

-I asked her, afterwards, on the Tempest, before she did the kiss thing again, and went to her room, what happens now. And I noticed that there was more blood in her face as she answered. She said she needed to do some research, and that she'd never been with anyone who wasn't human, but in the meantime, she'd like to make out with me some more.

-Looks like someone needs to do more research than me. You may be the Pathfinder, Sara, but for once I have the upper hand. Still, probably wouldn't hurt to refresh my knowledge with human sexual practices.

-To do: refresh my knowledge of human sexual practices. Daydream. Make out with Sara. Maybe next time without the armor.

Andromeda, Day 425

-We're on Elaaden. Heat, desert, big Remnant spaceship, Krogan out there, and criminals worse than those on Kadara. Somehow I kinda like this place.

-I mean, I like heat, all turians do, but still, this place is a little much. I hope Sara gets the vault up and running while we're looking for the lead on the Ark.

-Sara wanted me to go on the Nomad with her, along with Drack. Apparently he needs something done in New Tuchanka, which he could barely stomach asking her for help with. He is not talking to her. Sitting in awkward silence. This is uncomfortable, so I'm just writing in this, despite Sara's crazy driving.

-Still, before we left the Tempest, we had a moment alone with the Nomad. She looked around, reached up to me and pulled my face down, to hers, and did the thing with her lips again, which I matched with my tongue. When we were done she pulled away and was doing that human face thing they do when they're happy. Smiling. I matched it, as much as I can, and told her "good morning," with as much emotional inflection as I could. I think she picked up on it judging by the vascularization of her face.

-Vault on.

-Ah shit, these turians died out here. Poor bastards. Still, we think we know where the Ark is.

-Fuck yes, Krogans back onboard with the Nexus. They're even going to set up an outpost out here. Now, moonward to help Drack. Maybe then him and Sara will stop making this so damn awkward.

-Heh, got another kiss, and her hands on me, when no one was looking.

Andromeda, Day 426

-Spender is a piece of shit.

-Vorn?

-Vorn is going to marry Kesh?

-Drack is going to be a granddad?! To Vorn?!

-Does that make me, like, Vorn's honorary aunt or something? I think I'm younger than him.

-Spirits, Ryder, Drack, stop arguing. We just finished shooting people and we're about to shoot more people! She's getting your seed vault, and it was an insane decision no one should have had to make!

-Oh. Oops.

-Okay, a, seed vaults back.

-Also I told Drack.

-Spirits the whole Tempest is going to know.

Andromeda, Day 427

-So, we're on our way to the turian arc to meet up with Avitus.

-And I'm looking around, making inquiries about human cow steak. When Drack barges in and drags me up to the vidcall room, on top of the Tempest.

-And Sara is there, in her leather jacket, looking sheepish. And Drack just chews her out, and then says he forgives her, and she's a good person, and also thanks. And then he threatens to kill her if she does anything to hurt me.

-And I'm cracking up, barely keeping it together, because this is absolutely Drack. This is him at his most Drack, and then, as he's turning to go, he tells me the Pathfinder is important, and that he cares about her, and if I do anything to hurt her, he'll kill me too.

-Ah Drack, glad we're good again.

Andromeda, Day 428

-The arc was in the Remav system! We were already here.

-Ah, Avitus, you and Macen, huh? I'm sorry.

-I guess he's the turian pathfinder now.

-Why do I feel so ambivalent about this? There are thousands and thousands of working pods being taken back to the Citadel. Assuming the whole Initiative doesn't go belly up we, as a species will be fine.

-Apparently Jaal need some help with the Roekarr.

-To do: figure out why I feel so ambivalent.

Andromeda, Day 429

-I think the human cow first went to Kadara, but my sources say it isn't there any more. Need to trace it.

-Alright, it went to Elaaden, to the Krogan Colony.

-Sara came in, and we made out some more. I still had my armor on, and if it had been a different day I may have taken it off, but I think she noticed my mind was elsewhere, even if she did like the tongue on the neck thing. So I told her about Palaven, what I remember. I care about turians. I mean, who doesn't? I want to make a future for them, here, I suppose. I mean I wanted to make a future for Sid, right? The little planetside farm, no more smuggling. But I don't want the Hierarchy.

-And she is so good at listening. She tells me a little about Earth, and Mars, and all the rest. The wars, the 21st century crisis. She doesn't want the Initiative to be like the Alliance. Says she's young, and wants to do stuff with her life, build a future, lay down roots.

-And I chuckle and say, hey, you're not that young.

-And she laughs, and says, hey, you don't have to pander to me, I know I'm younger than you old woman.

-Uh, Ryder, did you think I was older than you?

-Oh, okay, did not mean to make my girlfriend (girlfriend? girlfriend) go into a crisis there. Apparently humans aren't good at estimating turian ages and given the experiences I talk about she assumed I was older than her. Huh, alright, well, at least we had that conversation. Helped me figure out my ambivalence.

-To do: say girlfriend a whole lot more in my head.

Andromeda, Day 431

-On Havarl.

-Oh shit, Jaal's family got involved in this. I...can't even imagine. What would I do if Sid did something like this?

-Ah crap, Sara shot that dude. There going to make a martyr out of him, and Jaal's going to be pissed.

-I mean, none of my business I suppose, but seriously, even if she is a little older than me, the entire fucking Nexus, all the Arks, the whole Initiative is looking at her. They want her to save us all. So what if she isn't always the most cool and collected? Who could be under that sort of pressure? It's a wonder she hasn't already snapped. She is amazing, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who really appreciates that.

-Alright, the human steak did go to Elaaden, apparently some Krogan also like it. It was listed in a shipment belonging to some guy hawking genuine foods, who turned out to be a bit of a fake. He apparently got killed before he could sell anything. So it should be somewhere out there, but where? Need to talk to people.

-To do: talk to people. Do more than make out?


	8. Andromeda, Day 434-443

Andromeda, Day 434

-As usual, Sid, if you ever read this, I will peel your plates loose.

-So me and Sara are making out, as we do, back in my room. And this time I've managed to get my armor off my chest plate, and things are going well.

-See keeps on trying to feel my chest plates, until, finally I ask her about it. And she talks about mammary glands, which, yeah, I guess female humans do have. Apparently they're an erogenous zone, and I have to explain that turians don't have them. While I do love the feeling of her skin on my plates, that doesn't do anything for me more than, say, my shoulders, or my arms.

-Then it hits me to ask about her mammary glands.

-Note to self: Sara informs me that her mammary glands are considered small by human standards, but are still erotic areas. She appreciates my hands on them, and stimulation of the surface structure known as nipples, although she encourages me to be gentle with my talons. Apparently she is interested in my tongue in this regard. Today she took off her leather jacket, and I felt them through her clothes, apparently this is quite enjoyable, and later I may do this under her clothes.

-We didn't have sex, though, and this is getting harder. I really am into her.

-I asked her why today, and she said she was still doing some digging, but I sensed a hesitance.

-And then she brought up Suvi. I prepared an explanation, but she told me, that, when she had first gotten onto the Tempest, she had thought Suvi was into her. And she was into Suvi. And she wanted to talk with me about this?

-Are humans monogamous like turians?

-Answer, apparently not all, but Sara is. We have agreed to not have sex with anyone else.

-Oh Spirits, PeeBee hit on Sara? It turns out everyone is into Pathfinders. Sara turned her down, of course, and we had a little laugh about it. She's sort of the immature younger sister of the ship, even if she is a hundred years old or something.

-To do: I really want to get with Sara, and I think I'm in love with her. I haven't said it yet though. Research shows a cow dinner might be a good gesture to both tell her during, and, potentially lead to sex. Learn how to make cow. Without tasting it. 'Cause it's not dextro.

-Note: like, I'm fine waiting until Sara is ready don't get me wrong, but also I find myself more and more into her. The shape of her body. Her smell, her skin, and I do want sex. But she already has enough pressure on her, so, yeah, I can wait, if she wants.

Andromeda, Day 435

-PeeBee is in trouble. Sara wants to help her, and you know, I want to do. PeeBee is a bit of an idiot. She got mad at me once for being an older sister, as if she wasn't almost five times my age. Compared to me she's an old woman, and a younger sister, and a little kid too, just like Sid. So of course I need to help her. Have to go to the escape pod now too, dammit.

-Dammit PeeBee, if Ryder is hurt in this.

-On the planet safe.

-Oh hey, uh, yeah PeeBee, why couldn't we do a drop with the Nomad, you know, like how you can in an emergency?

-Because you can't drive it? Oh, well, Sara let's me drive. See? There are perks of being the Pathfinder's girlfriend.

-You're a mess PeeBee. But you're our mess. If I do care about these people, if this is some sort of weird little dysfunctional family, you're the weird little dysfunctional younger sister. You're the Sid of the Tempest. Me and Sara are the cool hot couple, Liam's the dick, and Krogan is the grumpy granddad. You're also older than me.

-Huh.

-What has gotten into me? I guess it's mostly Sara.

-But I think I actually like all these people.

-To do: I'm not helping PeeBee clean, or move in, or anything, really. She can do that herself.

Andromeda, Day 438

-We're back on the Nexus. Sara was invited to some sort of meeting with the other Pathfinders, and I miss her already. I mean, we still haven't done anything except for, how was it she put it? Over the clothes action, but she's nice to be around. She's considerate, and warm, and I even miss her stupid sense of humor. I know Avitus, Raeka, and that Asari all need to talk to her about Meridian, or something, but I miss her.

-Spirits, ridiculously romantic.

-While I'm here I did some more digging into that missing steak on Elaaden. I actually found a lead. Some angaran pirates visited Elaaden, and now are selling unnamed food items on Aya. I think I've found it. Just need to get it next time we're there. I've already told my contact to make sure it doesn't get sold to anyone else.

-Alright, now comes the difficult part, I need to tell Sid about me and Sara. I don't want to, but I need to, I don't want her to hear from anyone else. I mean, she knows about the asari, and that turian guy with the reach, and the flexibility too, but those were all just flings. I think...this is something more serious. I think I heard Sara talking to Kallo the other day, and she called me her girlfriend. I think this is something deeper. I think I'm in love, even if we haven't said it yet. And Sid deserves to know.

-Poor kid, though. I've always been there for her. Always been her big sister. Just me and her against everything else. It's gonna be hard hearing there's something more in my life. I'm going to have to make sure she knows she's still so important to me. But I've got a treat for her. I defrosted this one salarian's lover, and I've got access to a shuttle for the evening. We're going to go atmo skimming on the gas giant down below. She's wanted to do this for a long time, and it'll be a treat. Not really dangerous, but she doesn't know that. Hopefully that will make it easier to hear.

-Note to self: your sister is still a jerk. I mean, I guess I'm okay that she took it so well? Better than well, actually, she's ecstatic. That human spy I met at that party, once, the one with the cloaking tech, she taught me the word for shipping, which is apparently when one human wants other humans to start a relationship. Sid used that word. Said she ships me and Sara. Where did she even learn that? She kept on going off about how Sara is "soooooo tiny." And talking about how much she must love her "big ole hardass girlfriend."

-How am I going to explain this interaction to Sara?

-Note to self: your sister is annoying, and you love her, and that honestly went pretty well, Vetra. Remember what Jaal said, and allow yourself to enjoy stuff.

-To do: explain this to Sara.

Andromeda, Day 439

-Sara's not back. She said Scott was awake, in a message she sent to my omnitool. Which is fantastic news. I mean, I guess that means I have to meet him, like Sara's met my sister, but that can wait.

-Hey, I'm the turian criminal giving it to your sister.

-She also sent me a message about needing to talk to SAM. I don't know why. Isn't SAM always with her? I mean he did stop her heart and save her, back when I panicked, and thought I'd lost her.

-Wait, does that mean SAM can feel us making out? I'm...not really okay with that, I don't think.

-Ugh, couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you Sid? Now everyone on the Nexus keeps making finger guns and asking me if I've pathfound anything. That doesn't even make sense.

-To do: talk to SAM about...private time.

Andromeda, Day 440

-Sara's finally back. She told me she has a plan to go after Meridian, and to get around the kett defenses.

-Also she called me her girl. I kinda liked that. Although I didn't tell her that.

-She seems...different though. I asked her about Scott, and she said he was okay, so maybe it's just the thought of actually finding this Meridian? Of actually being able to make a home for all of us that's weighing on her.

-Bye Sid, yes, I see you winking, no, I will not stoop to it.

-Alright, Sara, and whatever is on her mind, is going to sleep. We're going to stop on Aya, first, apparently. Which is fantastic news because I know just the thing to cheer Sara up, to tell her I love her, and to have sex maybe. Cow dinner. And the cow packet is on Aya. Call in a few favors and it should be there for me.

-Talk to SAM. He said he had talked to Sara, about me. I asked him what she had said but he did not comment. He merely said that he did not have to monitor her activity at all times, and if she asked, he would cease monitoring. Which was reassuring but now I worry he's going to tell her I asked this. Ugh, I really need to get this steak dinner going.

Andromeda, Day 442

-So we're on Aya, right, and I'm setting up the meeting with my contact, and Sara comes by, and I mention the angarans looking at me, and she says maybe they're looking for a pointy girlfriend.

-I love her.

-Okay, supposedly there was an Exile, a turian, who had the cow, living on Aya without the angarans realizing it. But something must have gone wrong. He keeps saying he's calibrating something first, but that should not take this long.

-This is my favorite store on Aya, but I'm not waiting anymore.

-Alright, I've backtraced his comm signals to some sort of VI syphoning funds, of course that self-destructed, so I'm still working on it.

-Why on earth would I need to scan these bug things you might ask? Good question, but I think they were being used as relays.

-Also, turian salarian of identification tags?

-Who is Matriarch Dil-something and why was one of her books being used to boost the signal?

-Alright, I've located the source. Little shack out on the edge of the city, gonna storm the gates. Wish me luck.

-A volus! A volus? A volus. A fucking volus. A stowaway on the Nexus, maybe standing guard by the cow, but the second he saw me he used, and I know this will sound crazy, but he used biotics to fly out of there, like the wind. Leaving the cow unguarded. Sara will never believe this. I'm just going to keep it to myself.

Andromeda, Day 443

-Okay, so I have the cow. Still vacuum sealed. Good good. We're in FTL, and we have time before we reach the location Meridian is supposed to be at. Today is the day. I have a few hours free, I've kicked everyone out of the kitchen, Sara is building a gun, time to cook this.

-How do you prepare cow steak?

-Okay, so apparently humans can't eat it raw. Apparently there are even diseases transmittable that way. I know they're omnivorous, compared to my carnivorous ancestors, but it seems a little strange they evolved to be unable to eat flesh of creatures on their homeworld. Still, I don't want her getting sick, I need to cook this thoroughly.

-How to cook cow steak? Seems like I want to use salt, and an earth spice called pepper. I have salt, but I don't have pepper. But I do have that Asari spice, the blue stuff, and that should be similar enough. Alright, just dump that on there. Can't taste it, since it's levo, so I'll be generous with my spices. Humans like spices.

-Alright, now the preparing it. Need to make sure no diseases. This recipe thing I found says to give it some time on a grill, but I don't have one.

-Three-hundred degrees. What scale is that? I'm pretty sure it's the turian one? That should be fine.

-Hmmm, still looks like it's bleeding, I'm going to give it another hour in there. What else should I prepare for her? Hmmm, I don't have that beverage, but she drinks water, like all of us.

-Oh, shit, a flower. Humans love flowers, and we're in FTL. Where can I get one?

-Suvi!

-Suvi did have a flower. Apparently she got it from Havarl. It was an awkward conversation, explaining why I needed it, but she was really understanding. I guess she does actually support me and Sara. She cautioned me to not let Sara eat it, though, which is a bit of disappointment, but I guess it can just be for the appearance.

-Yeah, that steak looks like it can't transmit diseases. I'm going to be on the safe side and irradiate it first, though. I don't want to be responsible for crippling the Pathfinder. I'd never forgive myself.

-Okay, give that plenty of time to cool, put my journal away, and wait for Sara. This should go well!


	9. Written in Different Handwriting

Andromeda, Day...I can't convert human days into turian days, Vetra, sorry.

-I really hope you don't mind, baby, but honestly, you still surprise me. You've been keeping a journal for all your thoughts, on paper, with pencil? Here in this little notebook? You really are amazing, keeping this hidden from me all this time. And it's delightfully anachronistic. Maybe someday you'll let me go back and read through all the other entries here.

-Alright, you're recording how it was for you in my, electronic, journal, so I guess I should write down what happened here. It was an amazing idea, by the way, to do this. I never want to forget this night. And here it is, for you, a reminder of how it went.

-I was busy, all day, and I wasn't thinking of you, too much. Too much stuff on my mind. But then, out of nowhere, I thought, maybe I'll check on you. Actually I think Suvi told me too. And I found you in your room, and you seemed happy to see me. You always seem happy to see me. Told me to close my eyes, that you had a surprise for me.

-And yes, it was surprising. I...almost ate that steak, actually. You looked so proud of yourself, so hopeful. I'm not always the best at listening to your subharmonics, but you were almost purring with contentment. I am so sorry I had to tell you I couldn't eat it. You looked so crestfallen. But the flower was beautiful.

-And you sat there, and you told me you loved me, and I have known for so long that I loved you too. I only wanted to hold you, in that moment. I hope you never stop holding me. Thank you for the effort that you made. Thank you for being you.

-And then, well, you were there, and your voice was sexy, and you were so hot, and things took a different turn. An old Earth classic talks about people having layers. I like to think that about you. First there's the layer you present to the world, the badass, smuggler in power armor, who doesn't need anything. And then there's another layer of you. Part of you that wants to impress me. Part of you that cares. Sweet, gentle, a little romantic. And then, under that, there's the layer of you that is, like, just the biggest top ever. Confident, sexy, and absolutely knows what she wants. And you know what happened next.

-Vetra, you are beautiful. I don't know what makes turians beautiful to other turians, but let me tell you what I find beautiful. Your plates are off white, and the skin is the perfect shade of brownish grey. You look like home. Your face is pointed, and dear god your voice. You have such beautiful green eyes. I could spend my whole life looking into them. You have these narrow hips, and broad shoulders, with that little ridge of plates around where I would have a collar bone. Everything about you is angles, and it works so well. So tall, and elongated, and perfect. Looking at you is like looking at a jungle cat, and know that, despite its ferocity, and danger, it loves you, and would never hurt you.

-Though it is true, that you are different than anyone I've been with before. But different is good. I can learn, and grow, and I am sorry if I was uncertain. I was uncertain, but I knew what I wanted and what I wanted was you. I was just figuring out how to do you.

-You're asleep now, beside me. I'm too small next to you to be the little spoon, but I guess I can be the backpack. Get some sleep, V, you deserve it.


	10. Andromeda, Day 444-452

Andromeda, Day 444

-Oh spirits, I'm nowhere near as good a writer as her. Well, my experience of my first time with a human, our first time, is in her journal, on a computer, which can be hacked. I guess I have to live with that.

-Still, that was just about the most romantic thing ever. Fantastic idea on her part.

-Besides, I can write about our future times together when they happen. 'Cause oh yeah, they're going to happen.

-I literally cannot stop rereading this. I have so many questions for her that I want to talk about. Who was her ex? Why are her boobs so good? And why does me calling them boobs make me sound immature?

-Heh, V. If PeeBee called me that I'd vent her through a hole in the hull the size of my eye, but I like it from Sara. And she called me her girlfriend, and said she loved me.

-I am really glad that that bite mark is under her clothes.

-Okay, okay, Vetra, focus up, get ready for Meridian. It's literally tomorrow, and you'll be squaring up against a whole mess of Kett.

-Heh, the way she looked at me.

-And, ooh, the way she sounded. So that's how you make a human voice convey some emotions.

-To do: Ask about ex. Ask about tensile strength of human skin. Ask about dextro-levo concerns, and find means of addressing. Ask about moving in? Maybe. Ask about more? Will ask. Also, you know, fight the kett, find Meridian. Set yourself on fire if Sid ever finds this, now.

Andromeda, Day 445

-Holy shit, we fought the Kett and won.

-I mean, it turns out this isn't Meridian, just an enormous space station. Like huge, but we have confirmation that Meridian exists. It's out there, ready to make a home for us all in a very, very large galaxy. This just isn't it.

-And the Kett got wrecked. Suck it.

-Sara seemed preoccupied. We've still got to place these satellites around, thanks to Suvi. Sara's been preoccupied, since Scott woke up. I wonder what happened. Can I do something about it?

-At least she's still able to joke. I'm not letting her drink the Drossix Blue, though. At least, not yet.

-Ah just kidding, I'd never do that to her.

-Need to figure out what the fuck is going on with Meridian, actually.

-To do: figure out what the fuck is going on. Call Sid, update her, be there for Sara, even when we aren't having sex.

Andromeda, Day 447

-Hey Sara, happy birthday. Turning twenty-four terran years today. I figured it out, of course I didn't forget.

-So I asked her what she wanted, and she said to find Meridian, first, because she's a smart ass. And then she said nothing, she loves me, likes the Tempest, has everything she needs. And I, being smart, asked about things that didn't make it across dark space with us. And she tells me that her ex and her used to make, or, at least, fix these human vehicle things called motorcycles.

-Asked her about her ex. Apparently some human women have penises, including this ex. I'm better, apparently.

-Also: apparently Lexi has something for dextro-levo concerns, and Sara already took care of it.

-To do: looking into building one of these bikes.

Andromeda, Day 449

-Dammit, Sid.

-We're back on the Nexus, and Sid asks to meet with me and Sara. And I, like an idiot, say yes I thought this was going to be important, you know? Meeting my family. At least meeting my family in a situation where people aren't shooting at us. I was hoping soon I'd be able to meet Scott. But instead we're heading back out, away from the Nexus, because Sid thinks she's found a conspiracy. Need to find lost shuttles.

-Like, I guess? She's getting bigger. Getting older. And at least she's not going to get shot at this time.

-I talked with Sara about it. Big sister to big sister. And she empathized. Said that if anything happened to Scott she'd never be able to live with herself. I asked her how it felt, knowing the kett are still out there, and he's just sitting on the Nexus. She said she worries, but in the end there's not much we can do.

-Shuttle scanned.

-Shuttle scanned, off to the last one.

-To do: get okay with Sid growing up?

Andromeda, Day 451

-We've scanned the last shuttle, and are on our way back to the Nexus, but tonight is finally going to be movie night. I'm...looking forward to it?  
-I think if you asked me to go to a movie night a year ago I never would have agreed. I only care for family. Me and Sid. That kinda thing. But the truth of the matter is I care for Sara. I love her. Maybe, spirits I hope she doesn't read this, maybe one day she'll be family too. Get married, someday. Maybe. Don't get your hopes up, Vetra.

-And if I love Sara, if she is family. Then, well, Drack is big, and is the grand dad of Kesh, who got me into the Initiative. And he's not bad at smuggling. He's like a cool granddad I never knew I had. And PeeBee is me and Sara's idiot younger sister, we agreed on that. And Suvi is cool, despite the weirdness. She's been nice, and supportive. Jaal has pushed me to be more open. Sara cares for the rest, too. Kallo, Cora, even Liam. Hell, even Gil is my cool poker friend, who I am getting very close to beating. So, I guess I do care about them. Weird, dysfunctional, messed up interspecies family, finding a new home.

-Alright, movie time.

-To do: enjoy yourself.

Andromeda, Day 452

-So, here's what happened:

-We're at the movie right, eating popcorn. People keep on yelling at it, for being old fashioned, for being badly acted, for having bad special effects. And it's all true, don't get me wrong. It's not a great movie. But it is real. The romance, the danger, its genuine. Hits something close to home.

-Of course, Sara, being Sara, has to act out this dumb fake death scene with Kallo. That's just how she is. But after that she comes back to me, does this thing where she curls up next to me, sort of leaning into my shoulder. I liked it.

-I swear to love you, a thousand times, a thousand stars. Good line. I should remember it, just in case I ever start writing poetry. Sara liked it too, by the look she gave me. I'm not great at reading humans, and their facial movements, but I am getting good at reading her. She gave me that look last time, just before we had sex.

-We barely made it to her chambers before she was pulling her shirt off, standing there in her underclothes.

-She told me she wanted to take it slow, this time. That last time, the first time, had been amazing, and everything she ever wanted. But she wanted this relationship to last a long time, she wanted to be my girlfriend for a long time, and because of that, she said, she wanted to explore my body. Well how could I say no to a request like that?

-We took our clothes off, and, well, she is beautiful. Alien, yes. Alien and beautiful. The first time I saw her I almost didn't know what to make of it. She looks so...different than the others I've slept with. So alien, and yet so right. She is human, and I love her.

-She started by kissing me, but not on my mouth, like she had done. She kissed me on my chest, and I let her. Her mouth trailed down, across my torso, and I felt where she was going.

-And then, after we were done, we just cuddled. No sleep this time. Just me and her, and the fluids of our sex. Plus that fluids humans make a lot, sweat. Even when she is still she is so full of motion. Her breathing goes in and out, her ribs expand and contract, her whole body moving with them. I can feel her heart beating, beneath her thin skin, and I thought of the kett.

-The kett nearly killed the woman I loved. She could die, just like Sid, and I cannot have that. And I realized, in that moment, yesterday, that she too is family to me.

-I didn't tell her that. Instead I asked her if I could move to her room, and sleep there. And she said yes.

-To do: get stronger, keep her safe.


	11. Andromeda, Day 453-459

Andromeda, Day 453

-We're back on the Nexus, finishing up helping Sid, and getting ready to go back to that Remnant space station, and find Meridian for real this time.

-Of course Sara sided with Sid. Sid is family, and Sara cares about her.

-I moved all my belongings into Sara's room, at the other end of the Tempest, despite Drack shooting daggers at me, and Lexi awkwardly trying to hand me actual physical copies of pamphlets about safe sex, like I was a kid. Where did she even find these? Why were these brought to Andromeda? Did she do this just on the off chance she could embarrass someone? Nice try, but no.

-I'm...a little glad that Sara is spending the night out partying with Scott. Getting used to this room is going to be a change. No engine noise, or rumble. But more than there's the bed. Don't get me wrong, I can deal with human beds. We can't all have nice nests like we had back on Palaven, but it's so soft. I'm not used to things being soft. I'm glad Sara's not soft. She's hard as nails, can get through anything. She'll make a home for me, Sid, all the turians, and all of us yet. And she'll be soft for me. I don't believe anything can defeat her.

-To do: make last checks on everything before we go after Meridian. Last call on the nexus.

Andromeda, Day 454

-In FTL, everyone is gearing up for this. Not quite sure what we'll find. If Suvi's method works it'll be Meridian, but what will that be like?

-I think it will all work out. I believe in Sara. She's gonna make a home and afterwords I am going to drink that Drossix Blue with her. Well, not with her. I'll be drinking, and she'll be drinking something else, but still with me.

-Although the worry is always there. Going back and forth. If it's too good to be true, can I really trust it? Nothing in my life has been good before. Well, Sid, but nothing else. Not this good.

-Except Sara. She's good. Despite all my instincts telling me not to trust anyone, I trust her, more than anything.

-She came down, checked in on me, as I was in my old room. It meant a lot. No matter what happens we will not be alone. I was actually feeling so romantic that I kissed her. Well, not really, I still can't actually do that. But I put my mouth near her neck, like she's done to me. She seemed to like that.

-I am sleeping in her bed tonight. It's such a small thing, given what will probably happen tomorrow, but still. I haven't done this in ages.

-Tomorrow: find the location of Meridian, figure this shit out.

-To do: figure this shit out.

Andromeda, Day 455

-Alright, go time.

-Alright, we're here, go to your thing babe, I'll be here.

-Shit, shit, shit, shit.

-Fuck, she's fucking dying and I can't get this fucking door open.

-Tempest! Get here now.

-Fuck.

-I can't do this without you.

-Sara?

Andromeda, Day 456

-On our way to Meridian. Sara is alive, somehow. She said something about her brother, and SAM. She's...confused, I think.

-Sid's been more helpful, apparently the Archon came on a small kett ship, and attacked the Nexus. Normally I'd be panicking right now but he didn't attack the Nexus itself, or the Paarchero, or the Leusinia. But he took the Hyperion. Commandeered it, to get at SAM, we think. He needs that computer to activate Meridian, and use the Remnant terraformers to kill us all, angara, Exile, Nexus, all of us. He will take away any home we have, or any home we are trying to make.

-Sara died. I think. Or close to it. For a third time. Second I've seen. And then she came back, turned on something. She's guiding these Remnant ships back to Meridian, to take back the Hyperion, to save her species. She seems drained, stretched thin. Almost too busy to talk. We need you, Sara, I need you. Focus on yourself, I'll take care of coordinating the response from the Nexus, from New Tuchanka, from Kadara, from Aya, and the Resistance. We all have your back.

-She came and saw me. I remember what she told me, about layers. On the outside layer Sara Ryder is casual, sarcastic, will say whatever she wants, damn the consequences. Under that is the layer she's shown me, Sid, and maybe a few others. She cares about people. She cares about humanity, turians, the Krogan, the angara, everyone. She cares about her crew. She cares about Sid, and she cares about me. But under that is another layer, I think, one I'm just starting to see. She's young for a human. Older than me, yes, but I'm hardened against the world in a way I don't think she is. I have been dealing with everything two galaxies have tried to throw at me for years, and she hasn't. Her mom and dad died, and her brother almost died, and more than that the safety of everyone on this hundreds of years long voyage rests in her hands. She will determine the fate of her species in Andromeda. She's scared.

-She came to me, and told me she feels like she'll fly apart any moment, and I'm sorry, love. Maybe I should have been softer. But I am strong. I know how to take care of myself. Take some of that strength, yes, but I need you. We need you. No flying apart, not now.

-To do: I won't update this tomorrow. If it ends here, well, I guess we failed. If we don't, well, I'll update it when we all save the fucking day. No worries.

Andromeda, Day 459

-We won. We made it.


	12. Andromeda, Day 460-475

Andromeda, Day 460

-Alright, things have calmed down here, I am just going to write down what happened. For anyone else who comes after. That Krogan was right. It needs to be remembered. What Sara did needs to be remembered.

-We, or rather she, lead the Remnant ships, along with everyone we'd helped, everyone she'd helped, in Heleus pitching in. All I could do was watch and cheer. Meridian is a hollow world, huge, amazing, terrifying. We dove into it, after the Hyperion, and me, Drack and her dropped down onto the inner surface in the Nomad, and fought to an entry point into the planet's surface. Crust. Structure? The Remnant-y bits.

-One time, back in the Milky Way, I got contracted to bring some supplies into Mars, near Earth, and I saw the Prothean ruins there. Big right. I don't think they were this big though. I've seen the vaults, Meridian is huge.

-And Sara is just a machine, fighting her way through waves and waves of kett, until she faces the Archon himself, torturing Scott. Not the first meeting I hoped for, with him, I admit, but still, we did save his ass.

-I joke but it was heart wrenching. If Sara is family. If Sid is family to her, then I guess Scott is family to me. And Sara was in pain.

-But the Archon paid for hurting her. He got ripped to shreds and electrocuted, the bastard. Enjoy being the genetic inheritor of a thousand species now, bitch.

-Scott needed patching up, afterwards, but Sara said she couldn't have done it without me. Well I don't think any of us could have done it without you, babe.

-And the sex we had afterwards was amazing.

Andromeda Day 463

-Me and Sara have just been recuperating on Port Meridian, as they're calling the wreck of the Hyperion. The humans will be okay, though, this place is a miracle.

-Sid's here. She wanted to meet to tell Sara how much she loves her, in that fangirl way of hers, but also I'm going to be letting her coordinate some of my deals here. Baby steps, I know, but the kett are still out there, and Meridian is the safest place in Heleus, I think. Besides, I was doing worse when I was her age.

-SAM is back, and I'm not sure how I feel about that, but at least Sara and Scott are okay.

-Speaking of that, Sid and Scott are getting along great. He keeps on talking about finally getting out there, and how he's been missing so much of the fun stuff. As if what we've been doing is fun. And Sara seems really into it. I'll have to keep an eye on them.

-Also, I guess I finally met Scott, for real this time. Awkward. Hey, yeah, I saved you from the Archon, also, banging your sister. Cool? Cool. Rad.

-Aliens are weird. But hot. Does he think I'm the hot alien? Nah, she's the hot alien in the relationship.

-I wish we had more time here. Now that the Archon is dead, planets are being settled, and the kett are on the run, if not gone, I've been thinking about the future again. I love the Tempest, and the crew, but I came out here for a change. I don't want this to be my life. But Sara is still the Pathfinder, and I'm Sara's, so, I guess I'll be with her.

-We don't have time because SAM has a surprise for Sara. I'm not sure I like this. But we are leaving tomorrow. No rest for the wicked.

-Sara, what are you hiding from me? I can read you, you know? I've learned that. You're uneasy, but we've won.

-Right?

-To do: Sara? What is happening? Why are you still so stressed?

Andromeda, Day 466

-Alright, we're here at Habitat-7. Spirits this world is a mess. I don't think Sara has been here since her dad died. I wonder how that feels.

-I never met him, but from what little she has told me, he wasn't always the best father. But I'm glad he saved her, at the end. So thank you, Alec Ryder, for saving Sara for me.

-Oh, they're naming it after her. And terraforming it the old fashioned way. That is...incredible, really.

-Congratulations, babe.

-Wait, why are you crying?

Andromeda, Day 467

-After SAM gave her the news, yesterday, Sara broke down. Ran back to her quarters, and I followed. Of course I had to, as everyone watched me. What else would I do? Let SAM comfort her? I wanted to be there.

-So I got there, and she doesn't say anything. She's just laying on the bed, making this noise, and her whole body is shaking. I had to ask SAM if she was sick, and he said that physically she was fine, but he did say he was detecting vastly elevated cortisol levels.

-I did some research later, and cortisol is a human stress hormone.

-When Sid was little, not long after we got to the Minos Wasteland, I made a nest for her. Not a good one, like on Palaven, but just some pillows and blankets for her and me to sleep in. We had to sleep together because every night she had bad dreams, and would wake up keening, and would want to hold me close.

-I don't think humans can keen. They don't have the vocal cords for it. But I remembered those lonely nights with Sid when I sat down on the bed. Because as soon as I did, Sara was sitting up, wrapping her arms around me, and burying her face into my shoulder. Her body was moving, and more than humans normally move with each breath. Her breaths seemed unsteady, and painful, and fluids were coming out of her face.

-I asked her if she was okay, and she just said that she was tired. So I let her cry, I looked that up later too, and just sat there, my hand around her head, my talons in her hair.

-Ellen, her mom, is alive. She told me that, eventually, when the crying had stopped. Or, somewhat alive. She's in cryosleep, but she'll die if they wake her up. I don't think that was all of it. I think there's more, but she told me that much, and I appreciate that. I'll give her time to tell me the rest when she wants to.

-And when she did tell me that, she was...just saying so many words. Bits and pieces really, coming out of her mouth haphazardly. Stuff about her dad, and the things he did growing up, Scott, and what it was like for him to be in danger. Her mom. She kept wanting to ask me questions about Palaven, and turians, and people I'd left behind in the Milky Way. She seems focused on that. Maybe it has something to do with what she's not telling me.

-But for now, I think the biggest thing is she's stressed. The last time she was in this star system, on that planet we're orbiting now, her dad died saving her. And since then she's had the pressure of the entire Initiative on her. She just needs a vacation. You need a vacation Pathfinder, and then you'll be flying straight again. I'll be by your side and it will be okay. Well, I think I can arrange one for you.

-To do: make arrangements.

Andromeda, Day 469

-We took care of some errands on Voeld today, things that needed to be done. Me and Sara haven't talked about the breakdown.

-But today I did. I didn't single her out, didn't say anything, I'm not trying to make her feel bad.I just pointed out that the crew really hasn't had a break. Even after Meridian, we've still been running around trying to get Heleus livable for us all. We need a vacation. I need a vacation, I said, and I left unsaid the fact that she needs a vacation too. Don't worry, I said, I can take care of the details. Let's just head to the Nexus, and I'll take care of the rest.

-To do: put the finishing touches on this vacation.

Andromeda, Day 471

-Alright, I have been talking to Kesh, and calling in a bunch of favors. No one is going to page Sara for eight days. Terran days. Tuchankan days? For a while. Besides, now that the Hyperion is turning itself into Port Hyperion, and waking up thousands of people, so Sid tells me, Kesh, Tann, Kandros and Addisson all have their hands busy with that. Apparently the issue of the day is where to send the other turians, the Asari, and the salarians. If humans have a whole planet, well, weird hollow planet, at least, to themselves, for the most part, and the Krogans have New Tuchanka, but what about the other species? A lot of us turians are going to Eos, since the radiation doesn't bother us, but, well, what about the rest? Kelly's Kadara? It does have water for the salarians, but also rampant crime. The terraforming on Habitat-7, well, Ryder-1, will take hundreds of years. Havarl, Voeld and Aya are all angaran worlds, and while the angara are still super fond of Sara, that still means negotiating. Point is, they all have their hands busy with other things, and don't need Sara.

-Also, Morda is apparently a surprisingly good ambassador.

-Anyway, we have time off, and I still have my stockpile of goods from the deceased. I've bartered it off to a lot of the newly awoken turians, asari, and salarians in exchange for some comfort. Sara is going to enjoy this.

-We've just docked with the Nexus, and first things first, babe, I have secured a room with an amazing view of the gas giant, and, get this, a thing called a jacuzzi. Things are a lot less tight than they were when we first got here, thanks to you, but you would not believe how expensive this thing is to turn on. Time to say goodbye to the rest of the crew, no worries, we'll meet up with them a few times in the next few days.

-To do: relax.

Andromeda, Day 472

-Turns out jacuzzis are good. Humans invented a good thing. I wonder if I could build one? And Sara, well, Sara is really good. In and out of water.

-For today I've got us scheduled for a hammer session. The recently got a hammer tech out of cryosleep, straight from Palaven, and I have been dying to have my plates hit. Apparently he also does human massages, and me and Sara got the couples pack. First in Andromeda.

-Hopefully this shakes whatever is still on Sara's mind. After we had sex last night she kept on askign me about colonialism. At first I thought she was talking colonies, and I told her about turian early expansion into space, the Unification War, and eventually bringing us all under the hierarchy. But she clarified she was not talking about that. Apparently some places on Earth, like the place she got her name from, took advantage of and inhabitated other regions, like the place her genes came from. She told me at the start of our interactions with the angara she was worried about being a colonizer, but now she isn't. What does that even mean?

-I mean, what, there are millions of angara, and less than a hundred thousand of us here in Andromeda. The kett are more colonial than we are.

-Speaking of population, holy crud, that turian lady is pregnant. First I've smelled.

-Alright, massage time.

-To do: still relax.

Andromeda, Day 473

-Me and Sara are playing poker today. Apparently she's only every played quasar, and is massively missing out.

-I beat Gil! I mean, obviously we were only playing for a small amount, since Sara was new, but still I beat him. Take that, confidence. Also, made me look really good in front of my girlfriend. Maybe next time I can play him for more.

-There's this fancy restaurant that just opened. First in Andromeda, apparently started with a little bit of Jien Garson's personal stash. Dextro and levo food both. I had an invitation, despite them only taking eight people at a time. But Sara is still...somewhere else. She keeps on asking me about all the places in the Milky Way I remember, all the people I knew who didn't come. She especially seems focused on why I came, and how close I was to not coming. She keeps on saying she's glad that I joined.

-I'm glad too, babe, but I get the impression it's more than just being glad you met me? What aren't you telling me?

-Alright, we'll blow off the restaurant today. Stuffy thing anyway. Tonight we go watch crappy vids from 21st century Earth, and I make fun of all the men in the funny costumes with the funny powers. I'll drink the Drossix Blue, and you drink whatever you want. I'm here for you. I love you.

-To do: relax.

Andromeda, Day 475

-I guess I should write about it. It still hurts but, well, we're heading back out, soon, into the black. Apparently Prodromos is worried about an architect nearby, and we need to fight it, because who else but the Pathfinder? That's all Addison and the rest care about, she's our hero, she's good at fighting, and guns and stuff. Nevermind the fact that this is killing Sara.

-Sara, please, just stay. Don't do this.

-Alright, fine. So me and Sara both got a little drunk, which probably wasn't the smartest thing ever, and may have contributed to what happened next, but, also, well, it was going so well. We were making out, and then we were having sex.

-And I notice she looks uncomfortable, so I stop, of course, and start apologizing, and checking if she's okay, and she just fucking loses it. She goes off about how she can't lose me, won't lose me, that she needs to be better so I'll be with her. Yelling, and tears rolling down her cheeks. And of course I try to say, hey, it's okay, and I go to hold her.

-The thing about Sara Ryder, though, is she's biotic. And biotics are activated by neural signals, and emotions can make neural signals go nuts. And Sara's biotics do go nuts. She starts crying, saying she's sorry, worrying about losing me, and objects fly everywhere. I feel the floor underneath me creaking, and the force pushing against me, as I try to get closer. I wanted to hold her, like she held me, and tell her that she won't lose me, that we won, the Archon is dead, we don't have to worry anymore, she did it. She won. I just wanted to hold her. But in that moment before I reached her, she suddenly fell unconscious.

-The biotics stopped, of course, and I run to her, feeling for a pulse, trying to remember human medical responses, when SAM informs me that he knocked her out.

-And at this point I'm pissed. I ask him why, and he said that he was complying with a protocol made by Alec, and I'm like why, and he says she could have hurt me.

-Bullshit. She never would.

-I ask him what was happening, and he says the symptoms are consistent with a panic attack, and I'm like, okay, Sid used to do stuff like that, and I didn't hit her on the head with a wrench.

-She woke up fine, the next day. I stayed with her, the whole time, until she was awake. I told SAM not to talk to me anymore.

-I asked her what happened, and she said she didn't want to talk about it. And then Tann called and said some Remnant thing was threatening Prodromos. So we needed to leave to go there.

-And now it's today. I didn't sleep in Sara's room last night, instead back in my own one. She doesn't want to talk about it, I don't want to talk to SAM after he knocked out my girlfriend, and I have no clue what the fuck is going on.

-To do: figure out what the fuck is going on.


End file.
